The Memories of Antarctica: A Forgotten Nation
by I-Fangirl-Sometimes
Summary: "You are mine and nobody else's, you will submit" My name is Ivory Elwyn, and I am the nation of Antarctica. I had spent what seemed to be an eternity in captivity, along with my twin sister Clarity, The North Pole, and we were forced into unspeakable servitude. Clarity had been brutally murdered right in front of me, many years later I had escaped. FULL SUMMARY INSIDE HETALIA OC
1. Author's Note

"You are mine and nobody else's... you will submit..." My name is Ivory Elwyn, and i am the nation of Antarctica. I had spent what seemed to be an eternity in captivity, along with my twin sister Clarity, The North Pole, and we were forced into unspeakable servitude. Clarity had been brutally murdered right in front of me, and many years later I had escaped. Part of me believed that North was still alive somehow, for it was unheard of for a nation to die while it's landmass was still intact. Finally after the years of imprisonment I was free, but the scars, and troubles of my past haunted my every move, and I feared that my journey to freedom has just begun. These are my memories of the time where I found myself once again.

**Hello everyone! Okay so this author's note is just basically to explain the idea behind this whole Antarctica fan fiction. It shall be a rather long fanfiction, so hold on tight, you're in for a long, bumpy ride.**

**Nation/Name: Antarctica (Ivory Elwyn)**

**Gender: Female**

**Age appearance: Late teens**

**Hair colour/style: Blue at roots, fades to white at tips, short, spiky pixie cut**

**Eye colour: Blue/silver**

**Height: 5"10 **

**Facial features: thin, sharp face, high cheekbones, slightly upturned nose**

**Overall appearance: Tall, thin, pale skinned, slightly lanky, left handed not that that's really important**

**Okay so I am currently in the process of draw Miss Ivory Elwyn, and I will post a link to the drawing when I finish. Now time for quick backstory. I know I already gave you a summary but…. I felt like having another one okay**

***Must read in Morgan Freeman's voice***

**Antarctica, has been kept captive in her own home for many, many years. Her sister North Pole, has been dead for years, even though it unheard of for a nation to die while their country is still surviving. Ivory has escaped her frozen hell, with the help of her companion Eve, an extremely large arctic wolf. Floating through the ocean for so long, our broken nation has finally found herself on land, but will anyone find her? Does anyone remember the "Arctic Twins"? What exactly happened to Antarctica and North Pole in their time of captivity? Will Ivory ever find out what happened to her sister? Will she ever find confidence in herself?**

**Join us in the heart wrenching tale of lose, despair, pain, and heart ache, as we follow the memoires of Antarctica: A Forgotten Nation. **

**(Side ships SuFin, GerIta, SwissAus, UsUk, CanadaX?, Spamano and some more that I have forgotten)**

**Okay I know you are all probably annoyed by me but I just needed to clarify. Please ask me any questions you want, I will be more than happy to answer.**

**Now…. LET THE READING BEGIN!**


	2. Chapter 1

**I Don't Own Hetalia! But Ivory and Eve are mine….. Kinda. Please read and enjoy**

**Song Suggestion: "Overture" by Black Veil Brides**

Chapter 1

I was cold. Colder than I had ever been in my life, which come to think of it, was odd. After all, I had lived in Antarctica for most of my life. I am Antarctica, or at least a broken shell of what said nation should be. The ocean water lapped around my body, and I had never felt so alone before. My breaths became gradually shallower and labored; I breathed deeply and coarsely called out in a whisper.

"Eve, where are you?" and after what seemed to be hours, I gathered the strength to call out again, with more desperation. Eve, my pet arctic wolf, was a gift from my twin sister, Clarity. I had escaped with Eve from our arctic hell that he kept us in for many years.

I heard a soft whine from out in the distance, and quiet paddling grew in sound as Eve near my side.

"Hey girl," a soft whisper escaped my mouth. "Know where we are by any chance? " I questioned, and sarcasm dripped from my voice.

Over the long time I had been floating in the waters, for what could have been hours, days, weeks, I don't know, I had felt the temperature of the water change. It began with the arctic chill of my home, then turning slightly warmer, and finally to an odd lukewarm. All sense of time and direction had fled from my mind, and no matter how pleasant a temperature the water was, I was still sickeningly sold with bitterness and remorse. My pale skin felt raw and slightly burnt from hours of lying, unprotected, in the sun. My mouth dry, my body begged to be quenched from its unbelievable thirst. My short white and blue hair felt dry and crunchy from the constant exposure to the salt water. A quiet bark came to my ears as I saw Eve nudge her snout against my limp arm. I was glad that Eve was there to keep me company. After what had happened to my sister, North Pole, Eve was my only friend.

A large, white arctic wolf, Eve reached just about my shoulders when she was on all fours. Her icy blue and silver eyes were not unlike my own, but they glistened with a more feral, uncontrolled, animalistic passion.

With her head she nudged my arms around her neck, and I used the last of my strength to pull myself onto her back.

"Eve, please,' I pleaded softly, "take us to a place without any pain or judgment." With powerful legs she began to swim. That was the last I remember, before I passed out, due to exhaustion.

**Sorry it was kinda sort, but please comment on what you thought, or if you have any questions! Love Just_Your_Average_Fangirl**


	3. Chapter 2

**Yay Next chapter! Blah, blah I don't own Hetalia but you don't really care do you.**

**Song suggestion: "Hunger Strike" cover by Halestorm**

Chapter 2

I awoke to the feeling of a soft breeze, and surprisingly, no water around me. Still on Eve's back, I snuggled into her soft white fur and sighed.

"Thanks girl. I promise I'll get you something nice. You know, when we know where we are."

A quiet bark was my response as I lazily started to drag my fingers through her fur and sat up to take in the landscape that surrounded me. It was truly amazing to see land for a change! Though I had visited most of the world's countries before, being one myself and all, I couldn't decipher where we were exactly. The last time I had been to any place other than home was before I was captured. Just the thought of what had happened was enough to cause me to shiver violently and feel extremely ill.

I started to take a better look at my surroundings, and noted that by the salty smell in the air, we were still near the ocean. A long path lined with tall beautiful trees was laid before me. The air was crisp and warm, a little unpleasantly so. I glanced at my worn down body and frowned when I noticed that my thick floor length, white cloak was stained with ocean water, and shredded at the bottom. My white leggings, dark blue long tunic and silver corset were crisp and rank of salt, seaweed, and perspiration. The only thing that wasn't extremely damaged was my ankle high, silver and blue boots. My short, pixie cut hair was plastered to my forehead, and I sighed with frustration.

"Girl what have I gotten us into? I'm sorry, everything I do ends up horribly, and leaves us in shambles," I explained exasperatedly. I scoffed and added, "Some country I am. North Pole would be so disappointed."

Before old wounds that involved my sister could begin to reopen, a rustling sound come from somewhere behind us startled Eve to a halt, as a low growl escaped her throat. Suddenly I was on high alert, my left hand flew to the sheath that held my make shift, bone dagger. I leaped off of Eve, took a defensive position, and called out to whom or whatever had made the noise.

"I know you are there, now show yourself!" Another rustle came from my right. From behind a tree a man looking to be Spanish, slowly walked out hands held in the air. Eve's growling became fiercer, and she snarled at the stranger, as if she dared him to attempt anything.

"I mean no harm Señorita. I simply saw you emerge for the ocean on the back of your, uh, wolf? I came to assist you," the Spaniard explained slowly, as he had sensed our unease. Eve's growls became quieter and she began to circle the man, but I didn't lower my weapon, still unsure of who this man was and what he wanted with us. To my surprise Eve stopped growling and nudged her nose against the Spanish man's neck, and even licked his face affectionately. He seemed to be surprised as I was, but he slowly began to stroke her head.

"I-I know you…." I said softly, my voice trailed off as Eve laid on her back so the man could scratch her belly, as he found that one spot that made her leg shake, it dawned on me. "Spain?" I asked hesitantly. Memories flooded back to me of the times I would talk with Spain during meetings, how well he and Eve had got along.

"I am Spain. I heard you say something about being a nation too, sí?" he asked curiously, the smile never left his face though, and Eve whined quietly because she wasn't getting enough attention. Though it hurt that he didn't remember, what was I to expect? It wasn't as if I was anything important.

"Yes, I am Antarctica, or The South Pole, I'm also known as Ivory Elwyn," as soon as I had said Antarctica his jaw had dropped. A look of shock flashed on his face.

"Señorita Ivory?" he asked disbelievingly. I nodded my head. "I can't believe it's really you!" a brilliant smile was plastered on his face as he made a move to come and embrace me. I flinched away from him before he could touch me, fear rising inside of me, and Eve stood up by me. A hurt look crossed Spain's face.

"Please…. Don't touch me," my voice was soft and held no emotion, as I wrapped my arms around my body underneath my ruined cloak to calm myself. I turned away from him slightly and Eve licked my face, in an attempt to cheer me up. "I am sorry sir; I shouldn't have been so rude," my voice low and apologetic," please forgive me." A voice echoed in my head, and repeated the words that were so strongly burned into it. "_You will submit."_

"Hey, you don't need to apologize, or call me sir, just Antonio, por favor," he had said in an understanding tone. I turned around to see him with that smile on his face again. "Would you accompany me to my home? With your reappearance, I believe an emergency meeting is needed, sí?"


	4. Chapter 3

**Alright now next Chapter!**

**Song suggestion: "Sorrow" by Flyleaf**

Chapter 3

The journey to Antonio's beach side home was relatively short, and only lasted about fifteen minutes. Spain had politely asked if he could ride Eve, and since she was fond of him, I saw no reason to protest. I walked alongside them; Spain had attempted to have me explain what had caused me to end up in my predicament. I had always felt uneasy about lying, so I simply told him I didn't want to talk about it. To my relief he hadn't pressured me into explaining any further.

I remembered the first time North and I had met Antonio, when he was a new a country. Even back then he and Eve had gotten along extremely well, and it seemed their friendship was still intact even after many centuries.

We had finally arrived at Spain's house, and he gave me a small tour. His home wasn't extremely large, but it was a comfortably sized two story. Most of the rooms were painted cream with red and gold treatments, and terra-cotta coloured tile. The kitchen was rather large, with a big island in the center for preparing food. His formal dining area was probably the largest room in the whole house, with a long, rectangular, dark oak table in the center.

We took a spiral staircase which was made of the same wood as the table, to a hallway with a few windows and doors.

"And here Señorita Antarctica, is your room," Antonio said as he opened the first door to our left. "I know it is not much, but I hope it suits your needs."

"Yes, thank you very much, it's perfect. I am extremely gracious sir," I quietly said as I bowed my head to him. I had been taught to show extreme respect to men. "_Speak eloquently, show respect, and you will submit."_

"Hey now, what did I say about the sir thing? Call me Antonio!" a warm smile spread across his tanned face, bright green eyes lighting up with joy. "And you do not need to be so formal around me; I am rather laid back myself." He clapped his hands together; the sound had caused me to flinch a little. "Now, I shall leave you to get settled, if you need me I will either be outside giving Eve some food, or in the kitchen."

"Thank you Antonio, for everything," I shyly looked up at Antonio, and attempted to convey my gratitude. I was being such a burden on him, maybe it was a good thing that I had been taken.

And with that I was left to explore my room. It was decently sized, with cream walls, dark oak trim, deep red carpet, a queen sized bed, and a window overlooking the sunset next to the large oak wardrobe. I walked over to a door and saw it was a bathroom. I closed the door behind me, and looked at myself in the mirror. My pale skin looked sickly, even more so than normal, I had dropped quite a bit of weight too, my clothes hung loosely off of my fragile frame. I looked at my cloak, one of my last reminders of a better time in my life, was shredded at the bottom, the silver and blue embroidery was ripped out in places and too badly damaged to repair.

I sighed, and decided a shower was necessary to rid myself of the ocean smell. Slowly I began to undress; I turned away from the mirror, not wanting to see my damaged body. I turned the water on to a lukewarm temperature, and threw my mostly damaged clothes into a pile on the ground. I stepped into the shower, and allowed the water to wash away all the stress and aches from my body. I ran my hands over my skin, feeling how thin I was, my ribs jutting out against horribly scarred skin. I looked down, and traced each scar that lacerated my body, some faint and silver, other still pink and healing; the raised skin tingled under my soft touch.

I couldn't help but think of Clarity, as I traced my wounds, and how much pain we had been through. On both of our backs was the worst of the scars, the word "Whore" was violently carved, jaggedly across our shoulder blades. It had been yet another thing that made us similar, another thing that had brought us closer, yet pushed us so far apart. Clarity had died though. Yes, a nation had died though, or so I thought. She had given her life to protect mine, to save me from pain. She thought that if she gave them her life, that they would in return let me go, but in the end, I still was his slave. She gave her life for nothing, for a worthless cause. I turned the hot water up in the shower, and let in burn my skin, as I relished in the stinging pain. When I closed my eye, I could still see her lying there, dead in the snow, covered in her own blood. Her knee length hair was tangled and matted with blood and other liquids. I banged my fist against the wall of the shower and called out in a quiet anguished cry.

"Why? Why am I here? I should have died with her. Damn it how did she even die?" My voice cracked with sadness. I looked down at my scarred body, a constant reminder of what had happened, that it was all my fault that I was nothing more than his to use, that I was what brought on the death of my own family. I ran my fingers across the soft, thin lines that I myself had created on my right wrist, in an attempt to join my sister in the unity of blissful death. "How did she do it? Why can I die like she did?"

I finished washing my body and hair, before I did anything stupid, and left the shower my body protested as it had become accustom to the pleasant burning warmth of the water. As soon as I had wrapped my body in a towel, I noticed I didn't have any clean clothes to wear.

"Well isn't this just fucking peachy," I muttered to myself. I stepped out of the bathroom and walked to the wardrobe, where a note was taped onto the door.

**Señorita Antarctica, I realized you would not have any clothes to wear, so there are some in this wardrobe. Sorry that they are my old clothes, and I hope they are not too large, but this was the best I could do. **

**-Antonio**

**P.S. sorry about the boxers and not having a bra. There is some fabric that you can use though.**

I opened the wardrobe, and picked out a cream coloured, long sleeved tunic, black pants, and unfortunately a pair of boxers that had the Spanish flag on them, plus a roll of white fabric that I could use to form a makeshift bra. The clothing was slightly baggy, and the pants were falling off my overly thin waist, so I used a piece of the fabric from the roll to make a belt. A sudden knock at the door caused me to jump a little.

"Señorita Antarctica, may I come in?" Antonio's voice called out. I opened the door to find the Spaniard with his customary smile on his face. "Dinner is finished."

"Oh, thank you Antonio, you really didn't have to, I feel like such a burden," he shook his head and chuckled slightly, as we walked down the stairs. Awkwardly I said, "You could call me Ivory if you wish."

"Really? Well alright, Ivory it is," Antonio had said cheerfully, as if I had given him a "good job" sticker on his homework.

We entered the dining room and began to eat. Antonio had prepared a simple, but tasty soup. I had not been used to having any food in my stomach at all though, so just the small bowl of soup was enough to make me feel ill. We ate in comfortable silence, and once we were done Antonio had spoken to me about what would happen the next day.

"I called the other nations, there will be an emergency meeting here tomorrow at noon, to discuss you reappearance," Spain had stated matter-of-factly.

I nodded and looked down at my empty soup bowl, and the feeling of being a burden creeped up into my mind again. As though he had been reading my mind, Spain had smiled reassuringly at me.

"Hey, it is no trouble at all; in fact I am really happy that I found you. Imagine if you had ended up at Señor England's house! You would have been in even worse shape if he had tried to feed you!" I chuckled slightly, remembering how Brittan never could get the art of cooking down.

"Thank you, so much," was all I could manage to say before a yawn escaped my mouth. The time was around 10:00 p.m. and I was exhausted.

"I believe it is time for a little nation to go to bed, sí?" I nodded in response and Spain bid me a goodnight, telling me not to worry about the bowls that he would get them. I walked up the spiral staircase to my room with heavy legs, and I didn't even change before I got into bed. I felt into a restless, nightmare filled sleep as soon as my head had hit the pillow.

**Okay so a little bit Longer that time. Please give me some feedback! I might just add some trivia questions at the end of each chapter because fuck it I can**


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

**Warning! Mentions of abuse and rape! Plus France being a creeper… as usual. I don't own Hetalia duh. ENJOY MY CHILDREN**

**Song suggestion: "Lost it All" by Black Veil Brides**

*Dream Sequence*

"You are nothing," a voice echoed in the darkness, and a blurred face appeared. It was him, the person that had taken away my everything, the one that forced me to call him "Master".

"You are mine, and nobody else's. You do not even belong to yourself," cold and emotionless, he called out to me, as he always had, telling me of my place in this world, a place beneath him, figuratively and literally. The chill from his voice invaded my body, turning me into a shivering mess; my stomach went sour as his voice echoed in my mind, and my surroundings.

"Do not resist, it will only make things worse. You are mine, and no one else's," I started to shake even more violently, from not only cold, but fear. It took over my senses and stole all control my mind had over my body. No matter how much my brain told my body to move, I was frozen in place. I mentally screamed at myself to move, as he advanced on me, but I wouldn't budge.

*Smack* I felt the familiar sharp pain of a belt whipping across my already scarred back. I could feel the welt already began to form.

"Who owns you? Who is your master?" I couldn't take it, my emotions took over, and I began to silently cry. He grabbed my chin and forced me to look at his blurry face; pitch black eyes bored into my own, and forced me to choke out an answer.

"You are. I will submit to you master," tears streamed down my face, leaving burning trails on my face. A chuckle came from deep in his throat, just a dead as his voice. He held no life in him; he was just a shelf of cold and hate.

"Good job whore, you remembered this time," he said with mock praise in his voice. When will this stop? When will I get away from him? I realized I was naked, and began to panic. Muttering pleas for him not to do it, not now, not ever again. I cried and begged for him not to do it, not to rape me again, just like he had so many times before.

He pushed me hard onto the cold floor of the darkness, and I felt him at my entrance. I started screaming, pleading. He thrusted into me hard and I cried out in pain. Over and over and over again. It didn't stop, he just kept going. He had dominance over me and he used it to his full advantage and no matter how hard I tried, I would always be his.

I gave one final heart wrenching cry, and my head slammed hard into the ground.

*End of Dream*

I sat straight up and screamed, nearly falling off of my bed in the process. My sheets were tangled around my legs, like I had been tossing and turning. I scrambled out of bed and into the bathroom, violently vomiting into the toilet, tears streaming down my face, and cold sweat drenched my body. I laid on the cold tile floor, clutched my knees to my chest and shook in fear, and small cries came from my mouth. I had to remind myself that it was only a nightmare that I was actually at Spain's house, that I had escaped, but the dream was so vivid. The memories permanently etched into my mind, as every night I relieved what had happened, just another constant reminder.

My frail form felt like it had been completely shattered, and then slapped back together again, and I laid there for hours, simply crying. Through tear filled eyes, I looked at the window and saw that the sun had just began to rise, the birds chirped happily, and life went on smoothly, as if my sad existence wasn't even there.

I decided not to change, and headed down to see if Antonio was up, after I had cleaned myself up. To my surprise, he was frying some eggs in the kitchen. The smell made my stomach growl, but I felt so incredibly sick from vomiting just a few hours previously.

"Good morning Antonio," my voice had come out stronger than I had expected to, and it seemed as though everything was fine.

"Ivory, my you are up very early," and though I couldn't see it, I could tell the Spaniard had a smile on his face, just from the tone of his voice.

"I could say the same for you. What time is it anyway?" I questioned, wanting to know if I had time to go see Eve before the meeting that afternoon. Antonio pointed towards the digital clock on the microwave that read 7:25 a.m.

We sat down and ate breakfast, I opted for only having a piece of toast and black coffee, in hopes that I would be able to keep it in my stomach this time, and occasionally made conversation.

After finishing eating I went out to go see Eve. She was sitting under a large tree, and began to wag her tail and pant with her tongue out as I approached her.

"Hey Eve, a little too hot out here for you?" I question, and sat down next to her. She nodded her head a little in response, and I began to rub her belly. It was around mid-summer at the time, and the air was way too warm and humid for Eve and I were accustomed to the icy chill of the poles, plus I couldn't even begin to remember the last time I had been in a place warmer than below freezing temperatures.

"I'm a little afraid about this whole meeting ordeal today. I mean the last time I went to one of these things, England was talking about how much America had grown up," I sighed softly and leaned against her belly. "What if no one remembers me, or they think I'm just a waste of all their time? What if they send me back to the South Pole?" tears welled up in my eyes, and my voice had caught in my throat, as the tears threatened to spill onto my face. Eve huddled closer around me, attempting to console my rampaging thoughts, to no avail. "What if's" ran through my mind, and my body became numb as I lost track of time, just going over every possible way things could go wrong in the meeting to come. I hadn't even realized that the sun had begun to steadily rise in the sky, and that many hours had passed, until I felt a hand on my shoulder. I flinched away violently, and my head hit the ground harshly as I slid off of Eve in shock, which cause her to stand up and nudge my face to see if I was alright. I felt strong hands grasp my shoulders again.

"Ivory are you alr-," was as far as Spain got in his sentence before I tore out of his grasp, and staggered to my feet.

"Never touch me again," I bit out, my voice low, and emotionless. Over the many years that I had suffered from abuse, I had become very frightful of physical contact, whether by someone I knew or not.

"Señorita Ivory," I lowered my head in shame when I heard the confusion in Antonio's voice, and a hurt look on his normally cheery face. This is what I caused, confusion and sorrow in people's lives, turning them from happy to bitter. "I just came to tell you that most of the others have arrived," he said in a soft, apologetic tone.

"Antonio….. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have, it's just that, well," I stuttered out, and attempted to find the right words to explain without damaging his feelings even further. He simply raised his hand to silence my ramblings.

"It is alright, I should not have just sprung up on you like that. I am the one who should be apologizing." He stood next to me and gave me a reassuring smile, that somewhat soothed my guilt. "Are you ready to go to the meeting now? We're all waiting for our guest of honor," he said humorously.

Eve nudged my face and licked it in a goodbye gesture. I grabbed onto her neck and stood. Antonio and I gave her some food and water, and then began to head back to the house. The fear I had felt early had returned again, and panicked thoughts consumed my mind. My heart had begun to beat rapidly as we came closer to the house, and Antonio threw me a few worried glances, which I pretended to not see.

We entered the house and were at the door outside of the dining room. I took a few deep breaths, and gathered all the courage I could muster.

"Are you ready?" he questioned, as he put his hand on the doorknob. I couldn't find my voice to say yes, so I just nodded quickly, and he opened the door.

I slowly stepped inside, and brought my head up from looking at the floor. The sight had nearly brought me to tears. Old friends, bitter enemies, and new countries all sat at Spain's dining table. Everything was the same as it had been. Italy bugged Germany about something, which seemed to annoy Germany, but you could see the slight amusement in his eyes, America and England talked civilly, from what I could tell, until I heard England shout "You bloody wanker!" which cause America to laugh, and France to comment. The Nordic Five were sitting together, as always, Finland talked to Sweden, who gave the occasional nod in response, and Denmark sat smugly in his chair, with his feet up on the table, still the same bastard I remembered from the past. Antonio had gone to talk to Romano, who scowled, but playfully bantered with the Spaniard never the less. Prussia, Hungary, Austria, and Switzerland were in their own group, talking happily, but it wasn't long until Hungary had threatened to hit Prussia with her frying pan, which had caused Prussia to raise his hands in defense and say something along the lines of, "How un-awesome!"

It was as if nothing had changed, and it made me a little depressed to know that life, for the whole world, had gone on smoothly without the "Arctic Twins", Clarity and Ivory Elwyn, the North and South Poles. The thought of my sister made me realize that one country that was very close to us wasn't at the table. My mind was assaulted with doubts once again, as a few nations noticed that I stood awkwardly in front of the door. Panic filled my body, and my breathing rapidly increased. Slowly the volume in the room died down to only a few whispers.

"Germany, what's wrong with her ve~?"

"Bloody hell, she looks like she's going to pass out!"

"Dude is she alright?"

"Omg, she is like, totally freaking out right now!"

"Feliks don't be so rude. But she does look troubled."

"Vell, maybe if ve vould all stop staring und commenting zhen she vouldn't be having a heart attack, ja?

"Señorita Ivory is just not used to being around very many people."

I snapped out of my panic induced trance when I heard my name, only to find all of the other's staring at me, worry, confusion, and pity written all over their faces. I felt disgusted at my reaction, my first chance to show them that I was just as strong as any other nation, and I had blown it, my actions caused them to look at me like a kicked puppy. I stepped towards the head of the table, my head held high, as I attempted to gain some respect from the nations that surrounded me.

"Good afternoon my fellow nations," my voice came out strong and authoritative, which surprised most of them that a frail little country like me could hold such command. "I am Antarctica, or the South Pole, also known as Ivory Elwyn, though I presume you all already know this, I thought a proper introduction would be necessary." They had all seemed frozen in place, like they were face to face with a ghost, or that I was a glass cup that would break if they breathed too hard. Had so much time passed that they forgot my character and attitude? Had it really been that long? "Now before we start our discussion I would like to ask a question. I notice that one of my closest friends is not in attendance at this meeting. Does anybody know where Canada might be?" Blank stares and confused expressions were all that I was given in response.

"Dude, who's that?" I heard America question loudly, and a few other's muttered curiously.

Slight annoyance rose in my blood. Of course no one remembered Mattie. I quickly glanced at Russia, who was seated next to China, to check if he had sat on Mattie like last time, only to see that he sat there with a smile on his face.

"Your brother Mr. America, Canada, also known as Matthew Williams," I rubbed my hand against my face in aggravation. Clarity and I were always the only ones who had remembered poor Mattie. Just when I was about to make another annoyed comment, I heard the quiet creak of the door behind me and a quiet voice called out.

"H-hello, I'm sorry I'm late. I didn't hear about the meeting until last minute, again," his voice was laced with slight sadness, as he closed the door and stepped into the room fully.

"Mattie?" I asked softly, as if I would speak that he would disappear. "It's so great to see you again," memories flooded my mind of Matthew and my sister together. Them hugging, smiling at each other, them just being in love. My heart had dropped though, when a confused look flashed on his face. I felt the eyes of everyone else on us, and I heard America say "Ohhhh, Canadia! That's who she was talking about." I lowered my head and turned away slightly. "Oh, I see. You don't remember me, do you?" I couldn't help but let my slight hurt show in my voice.

"No Miss, I'm really sorry, I don't. But, thank you for remembering me," he was still the same, sweet tempered boy that had made Clarity smile so brightly all those years ago, but those times dust in the wind.

"It's fine Mattie, I underst-"I was cut off mid-sentence as a person smelling of wine and cheese stood in between us.

"Bonjour Miss Ivory, ohonohonohon," France had popped into our conversation without any warning, and I could sense the tension in the room as the other nation's began to whisper and stare even more.

France leaned in close to me, and I backed away, step by step, trying to see if he would get the hint. The Frenchman just kept going forward though. Before I even realized it I was backed into the corner of the dining room.

"France back off," Switzerland had said standing up from his spot, only to have Austria pull his sleeve to sit him back down, and whisper something inaudible to him, which caused Switzerland to growl in anger.

"Please, step back," my voice was cold, as I tried to get France away from me, but he paid no heed.

"Ah, but Mon Amor, I just wish to talk," I couldn't stand it anymore. Countries staring, France being a creeper, seeing Mattie again. France laid the back of his hand on my cheek, and it was the last straw, I hadn't even seen Switzerland and Antonio about to pull France away from me. I pulled my arm back, and punched France as hard as I could in the face. A sickening crack, a girly scream, and a few gasps were heard after and France landed on the ground with a thud.

Ignoring Antonio and Switzerland I walked over to France and put my foot on his throat, as he whimper out in pain. I leaned forward slightly and hissed out venomously.

"Listen good, because I will not repeat myself. Never. Touch. Me. Again." I bit out harshly. Prussia, England and Germany had joined Antonio and Switzerland, as they made a move to intervene, but Antonio just stuck out an arm and shook his head. "I am not a toy; you cannot just use me for your own pleasure. That goes for all of you!" my voice raised, as I did not want another incident like that to happen again. Might as well set the rules then. Taking my foot off of France's throat I headed to the door of the dining room and put my hand on the door knob, but before I left I lowered my head and softly whispered, "I will not submit, not anymore," and left for the kitchen, leaving the door open behind me.

I angrily stormed away to the kitchen in need of a cup of tea to calm my nerves. I heard some muffled shouts, and complaints, along the likes of "Damn it France, you just couldn't just keep it in your pants this one time?" and "What the hell were you thinking? You really went too far this time!"

I ran a hand through my hair, and added some milk to my tea. My anger subsided, and I started to feel guilty about injuring France. I was just tired of being used was all, and I just let my pent up anger consume me. I groaned slightly and laid my forehead on the cool granite counter, as I tried to think of how I could apologize to France, since I had probably broken his nose. I heard a loud crack and yet another girly scream that came from the dining room.

"Damn you Prussia that really hurt!" France whined childishly. At that point I really didn't care what the hell was going on in there. I knew this meeting would be disastrous, hell we didn't even get to start it before I fucked everything up. I smacked my head hard on the table, and tried to gain some sense of dignity to go back into the room full of countries.

"Uh, h-hello, Miss?" a soft voice spoke from behind me.

"Oh, hello Mattie," I spoke without even lifting my head from the table. I couldn't even look at his face; I knew he would probably have pity in his soft eyes. He probably didn't even like that I called him by the nickname I had grown used to. I only lifted my head when I heard another person enter the room. It was Prussia, who grabbed a rag, wet it slightly and left the room giving me and Mattie a slight nod.

"That was quite a punch, I'm surprised you didn't knock Francis out cold," Mattie said chuckling slightly, and I lowered my head bitterly.

"Yes well, it shouldn't have even happened. I should just leave now anyway. With how I've been acting, I would just be burden on all of you," I kept my voice even, as He sat next to me and shook his head.

"No, you're no burden at all. Francis was just being….. Well Francis. It's about time someone knocked some sense into him anyway," He smiled softly, the same as ever. "I know that you're still a little rattled about what happened, but, I was wondering if you were ready to return to the meeting?" His voice was slightly apprehensive, and he peaked at me through his dirty blonde hair. I sighed and looked into my empty tea cup.

"I guess so. I mean I don't want to waste everyone's time, they are here for me after all, and I just go breaking noses and storming out angrily," I joked cautiously, being slightly relieved when I heard slight laughter from Mattie.

"Well Ivory, let's not keep them waiting any longer eh?" Mattie offered. We walked back into the dining room to the sight of France being chewed out by Antonio, Prussia, Hungary, and England, as the other's just watched in a mixture of amusement and agreement. I looked shyly at the ground as my presence was acknowledged once again. Antonio walked over to me hurriedly.

"Ivory, I am incredibly sorry about Franc-"I raised my hand to silence him as he rambled out an apology. I walked over to where France sat in a chair, and winced slightly when I saw that he held the damped rag, now covered in blood, to his nose. France wouldn't look at me, and I couldn't tell if it was out of fear or guilt, maybe it was both.

"Mr. France," I said quietly, just to get his attention. He slowly looked at me and I continued, "I am incredibly sorry for my display of anger. I should not have reacted the way I did, and I hope you forgive me," I finished quietly and bowed my head, hearing slight gasps around me. France seemed just as surprised as everyone else.

"Ah, but I should be the one that is apologizing no? It is my fault after all, and I am very sorry, I just got….. carried away," France's voice sounded slightly muffled through the damp fabric of the rag. I looked into his eyes, and shook my head, the bastard truly meant it, and that was good enough for me.

"Zhat punch vas awesome! You broke his nose und I snapped it back into place! " Prussia stated loudly, as I rolled my eyes and chuckled slightly. Hungary smacked his arm lightly, and held her frying pan up threateningly.

"Bruder, shut up and get to your seat zo ve can start zhis meeting, ja?" Germany stated agitatedly, not as amused by his brother's antics.

"Aw, how un-awesome little bro!"

"Damn it; just get to your seat!" Germany stated more forcefully this time, and everyone scurried to their seats. I sat next to Spain, at the head of the table, and Germany stood up from his seat.

"Zhis emergency meeting iz now is session."


	6. Chapter 5

**Okay next chapter and I'll quit bugging you now. I don't own Hetalia.**

**Song suggestion: "I Am Only One" by We Are the Fallen**

Chapter 5

The room was silent, except for the sound of Germany's voice, as we began the meeting. Antonio gave me a reassuring smile, as Germany Faced me and began to speak of why we were all here.

"Zhe reason zhis meeting vas called, vas to discuss zhe reappearance of a nation, Mizz Antarctica," Germany fixed his blue eyes on my cold blue and silver ones, "Vould you please stand up." I quickly threw a worried glance at Mattie, who just smiled and nodded his head. Slowly I rose from my seat, and Germany nodded his head. "Mizz Antarctica, I vas vondering if you vould vant to explain vhat haz happened, ja?"

Yet again I felt the eyes of all the nations on me, and my heart started to rapidly beat again. In my mind I was debating whether or not to tell them, about the abuse I suffered, that I caused my sister's demise, that I was worthless. Quickly I decided to tell them only a fraction of what had really happened, just so they would be informed enough.

"H-hello once again," my voice quivered out, and I cleared my throat in an attempt to sound stronger. "I apologize for my, uh, scene earlier," I looked at France who still held the rag to his nose. Taking a quick glance at all the countries around me, I noted that most of them were worse for wear, but still going strong. They all looked at me in slight amusement and awe, and I felt a light blush creep up my face. "Well many years ago, my sister and I had been visiting Canada for Christmas. North and I decided to go into the small town next to Canada's home, for some last minute gift shopping. North even asked Finland to take over as Santa because she wanted to spend as much time with us as she could. As we were exploring the town, a man approached us… He told us we looked lost and offered us some help. Clarity immediately had a bad feeling about him, but I was foolish and trusting," my voice became quiet, and I stared at a water stain on the table, not being able to look at the people around me. "I had agree, much to her displeasure, to enter his horse pulled carriage, so he could give us a lift back to Canada's home. We had sat for quite a while, and realized that we were not heading to Canada's home at all.

"The carriage stopped, and North told me she knew that it was a bad idea to listen to the man. The door flung open, we were pulled out of the carriage and forced onto our knees into the deep snow. He blindfolded us, forced us up, and we blindly walked into some building," my voice sounded robotic, like I was simply replaying information that had been fed to me, like it was just a recording of my actual voice. "When our blindfolds were taken off, we were in a small, dirty, basement. North and I huddled together, and sat there for what seemed like days, sometimes we were fed, most of the time we weren't.

"A few weeks or so had passed, and then we were passed off to one of the man's friends," my voice turned sour, and I felt the attentive countries around me gaze in sadness at my thin form, standing in the room, replaying the worst part of my life. "Our new owner was not as kind as our last. He asked us what we were, and where we lived. After a while, and out of desperation, I told him we were nations and where my home was in Antarctica.

"He took us to my home, and shelled us up there. Thank goodness I had left Eve in Antarctica before we left, or they would have likely killed her. We were not allowed to leave, we couldn't escape. We were his prisoners, and he used us," my voice broke, and I leaned forward with my hands on the table. I wouldn't tell them what he did to us, how exactly he had used us. I looked up at the others. America had his mouth open, with a look of disbelief on his face; England had tears in his eyes and a hand over his mouth. Italy silently cried, holding onto Germany's arm, while Germany rubbed his back soothingly, a troubled look on his face. Switzerland had tried to hold back his emotions, but his eyes shone, and Austria leaned his head onto Switzerland's shoulder. Finland sniffled quietly, and took a hold of Sweden's hand, who had unshed tears in his eyes. Even Russia looked slightly sad, and China patted his shoulder somberly. "Eventually our owner became old and died, but the, we had another owner. I never knew any of their names; all we were allowed to call them was "master". Eventually they all blurred into one person, an embodiment of evil, and pain. I hated every second of it. Seeing them hurt my sister, being hurt myself, being treated worse than animals. It makes me sick even now," I couldn't stand to talk anymore. Painful memories can into my mind, and I could let them know what had happened to us, I wouldn't damage their image of me, or North, any more than it already was.

"What h'appened to y'ur s'ster?" Sweden questioned softly, the stoic man had an uncharacteristic look of sadness on his face, and as though he feared the answer he would receive. I couldn't tell him that I was the reason she was dead, that she gave her life up for a worthless cause. I couldn't face the fact that I was practically a murderer.

"She does not have to say anything else if she doesn't want to," Switzerland said firmly, Austria's head still laid on his shoulder.

"She's dead," my voice rang out coldly, and I heard a few gasps from the others. "Don't ask me how, or why, but she's gone, well at least I think. I couldn't save her."

Hungary had spoken up from where she was sitting, tears sliding down her face as she held Prussia's hand, "But, how are you here?"

"I escaped. I-I killed him, my master, and I found Eve. We fled together, and floated in the ocean. Here I am now," I said softly.

"How do you know you're sister's dead?" Romano said from his seat next to Antonio. Anger rose in me slightly, at his ignorant question.

"I don't know damn it! All I saw was her lying in the snow, covered in blood; her eyes were dull, and lifeless. She had no pulse and everything, I checked!" I bit out angrily, tired of being question and in a room surrounded by people who felt pity for my, who would never understand.

Germany stood, which signaled the end of any questions. "Alright, I believe zhat iz enough information. Zhank you, Mizz Antarctica. Ve need to move to our next topic, zhe living arrangements for Mizz Antarctica."

Antonio pulled my chair out for me and I sat down, nodding in thanks. I hadn't even thought about where I would live, and I was flattered that they would even offer me a place to stay.

"It's alright; I can find a place on my own. I don't want to burden any of you, after all the kindness you've shown me," I hesitantly said, to which Germany shook his head and I heard a few sounds in protest.

"Nein, you are no burden at all Mizz Antarctica, in fact I'm sure zhat ve are all happy you are here now. Zherefore you muzt have a place to stay, until ve have a concert plan," Germany stated firmly. "Now, iz zhere any vone zhat volunteers to house Mizz Antarctica?"

I lowered my head, and was afraid that no one would want to deal with me. I didn't want anyone to like they needed to care for me; I could find a place on my own. But I was shocked when I heard someone speak up.

"Well, I am oldest, so I can take care of here, aru," China said, and I chuckled lightly. China looked at me offended. "What, am I funny to you?"

"No sir, it's just that you've always been this way," I said quickly, not meaning to offend him. "You've always said you were the oldest, but I don't know if you remember Mr. China, but North Pole and I used to watch you when you were little, but no matter what you insisted that you were still the oldest," I said quietly and a few other nation's chuckled. I felt bad for discrediting China though, "Thank you for your offer though."

"Ah, I don't remember that, it happened so long ago, aru. My offer still stands," China nodded, and I was glad I didn't offend him, very much at least.

"She could live with me and Sweden if she wants," a cheery Finland exclaim while holding onto Sweden's arm. I looked at the stoic Sweden who nodded in agreement.

"Dude, she could live with me too! I mean after all I'm the hero! America the free and the home of the brave!" America said loudly as he stood up with his fist in the air.

England shook his head in disapprovement and pulled America back into his seat. "You could stay with me," England said

"Oh yes, because we all know how that worked out last time ohonohonohon," France mocked.

"You bloody wanker!"

"Alright! Stop it both of you, now!" Germany shouted angrily, and silence came over the dining room once again.

"Señorita Ivory can remain here if she wishes to," Antonio smiled at me warmly.

"She can stay with me too," Switzerland said from his seat.

"Germany, Germany! Cans Miss Antarctica stay with us? Please, please, pleeaasse?" Italy begged as he held onto Germany's sleeve.

"Get off of me, damn it! Yes, she may stay vith us if she pleases," Germany said, and attempted to shake the happy Italian off of his arm.

"Or with me…." I heard a soft whisper, and I smiled lightly at Mattie, thankful that he was warming up to me again.

"Vell, zhis is a big decision, take as much time as you need to," Germany said softly with a slight nod of his head.

It was a big decision indeed, and I didn't want to offend anyone by declining their offer. So I sat in my seat quietly, with my head down slightly, and I mulled over what my decision would be. As much as I wanted to stay with Mattie, I knew I wouldn't be able to deal with my emotions, having all of the memories flood back, and make me feel even guiltier than I had already felt. Finland and Sweden were really such sweet hearts, and where they lived was even close to the same climate that Eve and I were used to, but once again, North and I had been close friends with them, and I knew that no matter how nice and accommodating they would be, I would ultimately be miserable. I ruled out America too, he was nice and all, but I am a very quiet and reserved person, we used to get along well, back when he was still colonies, but that was a long time before, and things were different. Over all, I just could see that mine and his experience would not be a pleasant one.

China and I had always gotten along very well, but he always had many people with him, it suffocated me a little, crowds and I just don't mix, so I knew that I wouldn't be able to stay with him. Though I was very thankful that Antonio took me and Eve in, and we got along well, I couldn't see myself staying there. It was too big, and different for me to feel comfortable. Plus I knew that Romano would come over at times, and I wanted to give them their space. In the past Switzerland and I had been quite good friends, and I knew that he would respect my privacy, which was nice, I didn't want to stay with someone that would ask too many questions, so he was a possibility.

Finally it came to Germany and Italy. Germany seemed nice enough, stern, kind of stand offish, which was perfect. I knew I wouldn't be able to stay with someone that was to touchy, and talkative, but of course, that was exactly what Italy was. Italy would respect my need of personal space though, or at least I hoped, and if he made me feel uncomfortable, or started asking to many questions, I knew Germany would yell at him, or intervene somehow.

It all came down to Switzerland or Germany. I went over their differences and similarities again and finally made my decision. Though I felt bad that I would just pack up and leave Antonio after all he had done for me, I hoped he would understand my reasoning.

I stood up, and any talking that was going on stopped, "I have made my decision, and would like to thank everyone that offered to house me, it really means a lot that you would even consider helping me, I hope none of you are offended," my voice rung out into the large space, and there was slight anticipation in everyone's expressions, begging me to say who I chose. "Germany, I hope I won't be too much trouble to deal with." A large smile spread across Italy's face, and Germany gave me a soft smile.

"Yay! I can't wait for you to come live with us, ve~!" Italy said, bouncing with exuberance.

"Yes, it vill be nice. Do not vorry, you vill be no trouble at all," Germany insisted. "And vith zhat, zhis meeting is adjourned."

"You are welcome to stay for a while and chat. If you wish," Antonio announced.

As everyone began to chat amongst themselves I turned to Antonio.

"Thank you so much for taking care of me and Eve, it really means a lot. I hope I didn't disrespect you in anyway; it's just that I thought I would fe-"Antonio cut me off before my ramblings got any worse.

"Ivory, it is okay. I understand your decision, and I am not angry at all," I sighed with relief, and he chuckled slightly before continuing. "It has been a pleasure seeing you again, and remember, if anything happens, you can always call me, sí?" I nodded softly and offered him a small smile, which he returned brightly, before going to talk to Romano.

"Miss Antarctica! I'm so happy you're going to live with me and Germany! It'll be nice to have someone else in the house to talk to. We can make pasta, and watch football on TV. and just have fun, ve~" Italy said brightly. I felt a little anxious at the thought of spending so much time with someone. Luckily Germany came before I started to feel too uncomfortable.

"Italy, I zhink Mizz Antarctica iz more of a quiet person, ja?" I nodded quickly, my eyes trained on the ground.

"Thank you, for letting me stay with you. I'll try to stay out of your way as much as possible," I spoke softly.

Germany shook his head, "Zhat iz not necessary, ve vill enjoy your company, and respect your space."

"Si" Italy agreed.

I noticed that Mattie was standing alone in the corner of the dining room. It was the perfect time to talk to him, and I quickly thought of an excuse to leave our slightly awkward conversation.

"Well, if you'll excuse me I'm going to go get my stuff together," Germany nodded and I left to the lonely corner where Mattie was standing. He looked up and smiled when he noticed who it was.

"Hello Miss Antarctica," he said softly. It still saddened my slightly that he didn't remember who I was, but I understood.

"Hello, Mattie, I mean uh, Canada…. You know, you can call me Ivory if you wish," he broke into an even bigger smile.

"Really? Wow, okay Ivory, and you can call me Mattie still. I mean you seem used to it and all."

I chuckled lightly, happy that he became more familiar of me.

"Do you want to come outside and see a friend of mine?" I question, and he nodded.

We walked outside in comfortable silence, and arrived at the spot where Eve still sat under the tree. I heard a gasp escape Mattie's mouth, and Eve's head popped up, and she began to wag her tail as we approached her.

"Wow," Mattie whispered in awe. Eve got up and ran over to where we stood. She nearly tackled poor Mattie to the ground in excitement of seeing her old friend once again. Mattie giggled as Eve licked his face.

"Mattie this is Eve, back in the day you two used to be pretty good friends," I said and Eve continued to lick Mattie, and he began to pet her softly. Everything about him was so soft, reserved, just as always. It was good to know that some things never changed. Things like friendships, people's personalities.

"Hey girl. I can't believe I don't remember something like you," he yelped quietly as Eve pushed him back with a powerful nudge of her head. Seeing them together again was like having a flashback, and it gave me a melancholy feeling. I sighed and decided it was time to address the issue

"Mattie, can we talk for a little bit?" I asked somberly. A questioning look crossed his face.

"Of course."

We walked to a bench that was a few trees away from us and sat down, with Eve at our feet. Mattie playfully messed with her large ears, and scratched her head.

"Do you remember my sister? Clarity Elwyn?" I questioned nervously. I didn't want to hear what I knew he would say. Every day Clarity and I spent in captivity; she would say that she had to stay strong, for me and Mattie. The two people she loved most in the world. The two people that she would give anything to protect, even her own life. I could tell that Mattie tried his hardest to remember. I could practically see the wheels turn in his head as he replayed memories, going through every face he had ever seen.

"I-I'm sorry…. I don't think so….." he stuttered out sadly. "Did she know me? Were we friends?" I chuckled bitterly. I knew that he wouldn't remember, and I understood why. He had probably shut away all his memories of us after we were captured. He didn't want to live his life constantly sad, and even more alone than ever. Clarity wouldn't have wanted him to morn her, she would have wanted him to be strong for her, for me, for himself. It must have hurt, have the only two people who remembered who you were, who even knew you existed, just disappear. I couldn't be angry at him; I would have done the exact same thing. He was lucky he could shut out his memories, that he could relieve himself of constant pain. I however was forever cursed with remembering everything.

"Yeah, you could say that….. You two were closer that anyone I had ever met before. Clarity and I weren't even as close and we're twins," I could see the sadness slowly gather in his eyes. "You were practically inseparable. You told each other everything, and when you two were apart, all you could talk about was one another. If one of you were in a bad mood, the other could always cheer them up. Just being around the two of you was amazing. I had never been so happy," my voice cracked with emotion and I couldn't go any further. Tears began to stream down my face, and I couldn't look at him, it hurt too much.

There was a long period where neither of us spoke. We just sat there; some leaves would fall off of the trees, Eve's pants and the soft rustle of wind were the only sounds. Finally Mattie spoke, and the sound of his voice shattered my already destroyed heart.

"Did we love each other?" His question swam in my mind. I tried to find my voice to answer, but emotion had swallowed any trace of it. I couldn't see, as even more hot tears filled my eyes. All I did was nod, over and over again, soft gasps, and cries coming from my mouth. It hurt so much, like nothing I had ever felt before. What was left of my heart, was shattered into dust, my soul was being seared into smaller and smaller pieces with every tear that slid down my pale face, leaving burning trails like icy fire.

I couldn't take it anymore. I got up and ran back to the house, ignoring Mattie's pleas for me to come back. I needed to get away from there, before my own mind destroyed itself.

I ran into the house, and pushed passed a few countries that were about to leave. I closed the door to my room behind me, and slid down onto the floor. And I cried. It wouldn't stop.

I laid there for a long time, before I finally composed myself. I grabbed a large white leather bag that was set on the bed, and began to gather my ruined clothing, and a few garments that Antonio had graciously given me. I needed to leave this place as soon as possible.

I descended the stairs, not caring that I looked like complete shit, from my constant crying, and met with Antonio, Germany, and Italy in the kitchen.

"Ivory! Hey, are you okay?" Italy questioned with concern laced in his tone. I didn't want to talk, so I just nodded mutely, and they all gave me a skeptical look.

"I'm fine okay," my voice cracked out, sounding dry from its over use in the meeting. "Antonio, I want to thank you again, for everything." It was the best I could come up with. He had done so much for me, and here I was just leaving him out of petty ignorance.

"It was no trouble at all Ivory," the Spaniard said with his trade mark smile on his face. "Just remember what I said, sí?" I nodded, and we finished our goodbyes.

I sat in the back of Germany's truck; Eve sat in the bed, and I stared out the window as we headed to an airport, where the jet would take us to Germany. I deftly listened to Germany and Italy argue over what radio station to listen to, finally deciding to settle on some strange Spanish pop station.

I ran through the events that had happened. The whole day had been incredibly hectic. Guilt crept up inside me, and turned my stomach sour as I thought about how I just ran away from Mattie earlier. I couldn't just keep running away from my problems, or pushing them away. I need to face them damn it! Why couldn't anything turn out right?

**I hope this made you a little sad at least. Please review and ask any questions! Now whoever gets this right first shall earn a shout out in one of my later chapters!**

**What was the original colour of the shoes Dorothy got in the Wizard of Oz?**


	7. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

**So I thought poor Mattie needed some love, so this chapter is all in his point of view. Now enjoy and I don't own Hetalia.**

**Song suggestion "Only Hope" by Switchfoot or Mandy Moore, but I like Switchfoot better**

*Canada's P.O.V.*

I sat in my warm, dark red velvet chair, a mug of cooled coffee sat idly in my numb hands. The day had been long; I rushed to the emergency meeting that I had been informed of last minute, as usual, and expected the same old things to happen, fights between nations, random outburst, stupid problems, and no solution or recognition to the real matters at hand. What I had found though was incredibly different. A white and blue haired girl, tall, thin and fragile looking, sat in a chair next to Spain. I felt as if my mind tried to grasp a concept it evidently refused to accept as the girl, Antarctica, spoke so friendly to me, and asked if I remembered her.

Needless to say that was the beginning of my struggle to grasp the concept of someone, not only remembering me, but the fact that I couldn't remember her. I wracked my brains, tried to sort through all of my jumbled memories, I searched through every face I could ever remember seeing, but I couldn't seem to find the slim, pale face of the girl that so adamantly seemed to know me. France had disrupted our conversation briefly, but it still couldn't shake the question from my mind. How did this girl know me?

When she left, I had slipped out of the room unnoticed; being invisible could work to my advantage sometimes, and took my chance to talk to this mysterious girl a little more. From the reaction she had when France touched her I could tell that she was extremely troubled, and my heart went out to the poor girl. Not only was Ivory the only one who had ever really asked about my absence, but she also seemed to care about my thoughts, and opinions.

Our short conversation in the kitchen opened up some doors for me. I still berated my mind in an attempt to regain my memory of Ivory, to no avail. It hurt me to see her so shaken up by something as small as a touch. It increased my curiosity to her background even more.

When she got up to speak at the meeting, I could feel my heart being slowly ripped apart, piece by piece. It was all my fault. They were at my house, they disappeared and I did nothing. If I had at least tried to find them, then maybe Ivory wouldn't be so broken, so sad. I could tell that she held back some of her experiences from us, not wanting us to feel so much pity or maybe so we wouldn't see her any differently than we already did.

My I felt my heart pain even more at the mention of her sister. Feelings of loss, and desperation filled my mind as she spoke about Clarity. It took all of my will power to not cry out when she said Clarity was dead. I didn't even know her, or at least, I couldn't even remember her, but it was obvious that she meant something to me, and I was determined to find out what that was exactly.

I have to admit, I was slightly saddened by the fact that Ivory chose to stay with Germany and Italy instead of me, but I understood her reasoning. After all, the last time she was at my home, she and her sister were captured. I thought Germany would be a good fit for her too, he wouldn't question her, he would give her space, and Italy would be someone good to talk to if she needed it.

When the meeting was over I stood in a corner, and waited for Ivory to finish talking with Germany and Italy. I smiled when she walked over to me, and asked if I would go outside with her. Seeing Eve again was yet another thing that gave my mind a jolt. How could I not remember her of all thing? I mean she was a giant wolf.

I pondered the events that happened at the bench. I felt so horrible that I couldn't remember Clarity, and I could see that it brought bitterness to Ivory. As she explained my relationship with her sister, I could only feel something strange.

You know that feeling, when you look for something, or try to remember where you placed your keys? That feeling when an answer is just on the tip of your tongue, or when you can't remember the name of your favourite actor, but you're sure you know what it is? That's all I could feel. Anger and anguish, as a somber look crossed Ivory's face, filled me. I knew these girls, I knew them! Why couldn't I remember, why was it so hard to find the memories of them? I asked the only question I could seem to say.

Did we love each other?

Ultimately, that was probably a bad thing to ask. I looked on in horror as even more tears poured down her face, and she nodded her head. I could practically see her heart being shattered right in front of me, like I had taken and glass vile and carelessly dropped it on the ground. I pleaded for her to come back as she ran away from me, but she ignored me.

So there I sat. Alone, again. A fire burned in the hearth, and I stared into it like it held the answers to my problems. I set the mug filled with untouched coffee onto the small table beside my chair.

Where was this missing link? There had to have been some key to me not remembering. I closed my eyes and mulled over memories, feelings, and people. It finally came to me. How did I not think of it earlier?

I jumped out of the chair and ran into the hallway that connected my kitchen and living room. I pulled open the small hatch to the attic, and quickly climbed up the ladder. I pulled the chain to turn on the unprotected light bulb, revealing a dusty room, long forgotten.

"Where is it?" I muttered to myself in desperation. I searched the large attic for what I had in mind. I couldn't believe I hadn't thought of it before. Every time I came up into the attic I saw it, but never paid any attention to it. It just sat there, collecting dust.

"Ah, there it is," I whispered triumphantly. A large, dark wooded, hope chest sat in the corner of the attic, partially cover by some old blankets and boxes filled with Christmas decorations. It had to hold the key to my questions. It just had to, it was my only hope. Ironic right? A hope chest, being my final hope, well at least I thought it was.

Slowly I inched towards the corner, as if the chest would run away if I moved to fast. I knew I needed to open it, and find out why I couldn't remember two people, who apparently played a major role in my life.

I kneeled in front of the large chest, and my hands grasped the lid. Suddenly I became hesitant to open it. I needed answers though, and I knew there was something important in this chest, but a part of my mind told me to leave it alone, that I wasn't worth my time. I closed my eyes, and took a few deep breaths.

"No matter what is in here, I will go through it all. I will figure out my questions," I told myself adamantly. There was no backing down. I gathered all my will power and opened the lid, my eyes still closed.

"Don't be such a coward," I muttered lightly.

Slowly I pealed open my eyes, one after the other. And as soon as I saw the first picture on top of everything, it was like a flood gate was opened. Memories, smiles, emotions, all filled the empty spots in my mind, and tears trickled down my face. I picked the picture up, and didn't know whether to smile, or collapse into a sobbing mess.

I muttered to myself again, trying to encourage my actions, "No Canada, you need to keep going."

I stared at that first picture for what seemed like hours though. It was Ivory, Clarity, and I; we were all around a tree outside that was covered in fresh snow. Clarity and I were hugging each other, and staring into each other's eyes, as Ivory just made a face of playful annoyance. Just looking at that picture brought back the warmth I felt whenever I would look at Clarity. It reminded me of how much I loved her, that I would do anything for her; I would do anything to keep her safe. But I had failed. She was gone, and her sister was broken. I couldn't keep my promise to myself. When they were captured, I went berserk, sending out search parties, calling every nation and asking them for help. I had felt so much pain and guilt that I was tearing me apart inside. I wouldn't be able to keep going on if I kept it up, so my mind did the only thing that could keep myself sane. It locked away every single memory I had of the two people that had shown me so much love and compassion.

My mind had ached and throbbed with all the regained information. Drops of tears cover the slightly wrinkled picture, as I set it aside, and pressed on in my journey for memories, wiping my tear stained face.

The next thing I picked up was a small, white and silver photo album. I slowly opened the cover and went through all of the photos, analyzing them with incredible scrutiny, trying to see if I could remember when the picture had been taken, what had gone on that day, and why it was important. The photos varied from silly group pictures of me and the twins, to serious pictures of just Clarity. My heart ached at the site of her beautiful features, as I remembered all the times we would lay in bed together, her asleep in my arms as I took in her beauty, and my luck at having her.

One particular photo had caught my eye. It was Clarity and I, holding each other, my hand laid on her face, her eyes were closed and head was tilted down slightly, snow was dusted lightly in her long, dual coloured hair, a soft smile graced both of our slips. For some reason, this photo conveyed all emotion I had felt for her. Just looking at it, it made me fall in love with her all over again. The way her hair changed from blue to white at around her shoulder blades, how her eyes changed from clear sky blue, to a dark blue silver when she was tired, how her laugh sounded so hilarious when she was truly amused, the ways her soft pink lips parted when she smiled, how they seemed to fit so perfectly with mine when we kissed, this picture, had brought back every single feeling that she had ever made me feel.

I turned the picture over, and saw that there was some cursive writing on it, Clarity's handwriting.

_Dear Mattie,_

_Happy Birthday babe! I can't believe that we've been together for over 20 years already. I guess time flies when you're with the ones you love huh? I know that every day I tell you that I love you, but I feel like I need to explain just how much, but no matter how much I write, it will never be able to explain how much you truly mean to me. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, so I hope that when you look at this one, it will say everything that I can't put into words. Mattie, you're my everything. I have never felt so close to anyone in my life before, not even Ivory. You understand me in ways, that I can't even understand myself. You help me finish sentences when I can't myself; you know exactly what's on my mind, and what to say to help me. You've taken hold of my heart, and I never want you to let go. You are that one puzzle piece that's been hidden under the couch and finally found when you're spring cleaning. I know this all sounds so cliché, but it's the only way I can express what you make me feel. I guess the simplest way to put it is just that, I love you._

_Forever and always,_

_Clarity Elwyn _

More tears had spilled out of my eyes, and I felt something that I hadn't felt for so long. I felt true happiness, and love. That simple note had brought me more joy than any other thing I could have possibly received in the world. It made me smile, chuckle, it touched my heart and made remember just exactly why I loved her. Because we were made for each other.

No matter how much I would have liked to have stared at that picture, grinning like an idiot, and rereading the note over and over, I had to keep going.

I set the photo album aside, made a mental note to frame all the pictures in it, and directed my attention back to the hope chest. There were two similar looking white sheet type objects that peaked my interest. Grabbing each one of them, I unfolded them gently and saw that they were cloaks; one had silver and blue embroidery of snowflakes and frost, while the other had only blue embroidery, with delicate swirls. It dawned on me that Ivory and Clarity must have left their clothing at my house and I stored it up here when they were captured. Once I finished my search I would take the soonest flight to Germany so I could give Ivory her clothes, since I doubted she had any except the ones Spain had given her.

I dug through the many articles of clothing in the chest, and found something peculiar at the very bottom. I pulled out a large, flat, leather bag with a latch on it. Unhooking the latch, I was greeted by the sight of a white arching bow, with blue and silver intricate patterns covering it, and a matching container filled with arrows. After I moved the bow onto the dusty wooden floor of the attics I saw a sword in a white sheath with similar designs on it.

"Huh, these must be Ivory and Clarity's," I muttered softly, memories fluttered into my mind of Clarity practicing dueling with her sister, and Ivory shooting at targets when she was bored.

Everything I found in that hope chest brought back some sort of memory, or feeling. My mind felt loaded down with all the lost information, but also enlightened by it. The enigma of emotions that all these objects brought on made my head spin. The pictures, the clothes, the notes, that ranged from love letters to grocery lists, all had sentimental value to me. What others may have thought was just stuff that I needed to get rid of because the memories they brought on might destroy me, was actually my past, my entire being. It was all sealed away in the chest for so long.

I sat there for a while, dust swirling in the air, slightly illuminated by the soft light from the single, flickering light bulb, and I simply reminisced, trying to focus on the good, as to not send myself into a deep, spiraling, depression. I laughed, I cried, I smiled, I snorted in anger and amusement, I simply felt everything that I had been missing. I filled the void inside myself with memories.

I sighed softly and got off the ground, gathering all the clothing and things I would take to Germany's, "I think it's time Ivory gets her belongings back." And with that I left the room, and made my way to the airport.

**THE FEELS! Yay Mattie got some time to shine, and I thought my writing was pretty well. Anyway thank you for reading and please review!**

**Who did J. K. Rowling originally plan to kill off in "The Order of the Phoenix"? **


	8. Chapter 7

**Please enjoy this next chapter! **

**Song suggestion "Breaking Inside" by Shinedown Ft. Lzzy Hale**

**I don't freaking own Hetalia or Harry Potter okay!**

Chapter 7

"The pasta's done, ve~" I heard Italy call from the kitchen. We all sat around a small round table, Italy and Germany made small talk, while I sat and enjoyed their presence. I was still not accustomed to eating much, so all that was on my plate was a small pile of pasta and a little piece of garlic bread.

"Mizz Antarctica, you can eat as much as you vant," Germany said worriedly. I just shook my head lightly, which earned me a skeptical glance from both nations.

"It's just that I'm not really…. Used to eating a lot of food you see," I offered softly, as I pushed my food around on the plate. "You know, you can call me Ivory if you wish. I mean seeing as how we are living together and all; I think it would be appropriate. But if you don't want to…" I trailed off with a small sigh as I realized that I was rambling once again.

"Yay! Ivory is such a pretty name!" Italy cheerfully said, and Germany nodded his head.

"Alright, Ivory it is zhen, ja."

We had gotten to Germany's small home around noon the previous day. He had given me a small tour and then led me to my room. It wasn't as large as the one at Antonio's home, but I liked it better. Germany's whole home seemed so quaint and well, homey. There was a small twin bed push up against the far wall of the room, right underneath a window. The room was painted a dark navy blue, with white trim, and had dark reddish hardwood floors. Towards the left of the room was another door, which Germany had explained, lead to the private bathroom.

We finished eating, and surprisingly I had eaten more than last time, but my stomach still felt slightly ill. I had offered to wash dishes, but Italy adamantly refused, saying that I was a guest in the house; therefore I wouldn't do any work.

"Ivory, there is vone more room zhat I vish for you to see," I nodded, and Germany led me from the kitchen/dining room, into a room that was just down the hall from mine. Germany put his hand on the thin silver door knob, and muttered softly, "Und I hope you like it as much as I do."

As soon as I stepped into the room I gasped and immediately fell in love. The room was around the same size as mine, but instead of navy walls, this room had three walls with floor to ceiling book shelves. The only wall that didn't have any books was painted a deep soothing red; a large, dark brown, leather recliner was in the corner, with a lamp a small coffee table to accompany it.

"Velcome to my study. You like it, ja?" Germany questioned lightly. I nodded vigorously, and ran my fingers lightly against the spines of the books that lined the walls, noticing some title of the books.

"It's wonderful Mr. Germany," I breathed out, and I heard a soft chuckle, escape Germany.

He leaned against the door frame, and looked around the room himself. "Ja, I thought you vould like it. Und just Germany is fine, or Ludvig if you like," I heard him shyly say. I played the names in my mind to see which one would work better.

"Well, just Germany for now," I finally decided, and I saw him nod out of the corner of my eye. The room was so amazing. It was everything that I had ever dreamed of as a young country, having my own personal library, filled with knowledge.

"I find zhat if I need to zhink anyzhing out, zhis place is vonderful," he said softly, and walked across the room to settle in the large recliner, closing the door behind him lightly. I could feel the curiosity burning off of him. "Ivory, you can talk to me or even Italy any time you vant, ja. Ve vill alvays listen to vhat you have to say."

My hand froze from its skimming. Of course, that's what that was all about, an intervention. I knew Germany just had good intentions, and I really trusted him, but I couldn't do this with him. I couldn't spill out my soul to him; I couldn't tell him all my worries and secrets, and I couldn't tell him what they did to us. He couldn't know that it was all my fault that she was gone.

"It's fine, thank you." I said, breaking the silence, a slight chill in my voice. I didn't mean to sound rude, or angry, but I needed to convey that I wasn't ready to speak about this just yet. I spoke again, more softly "I'm, just not ready yet."

Germany sighed softly, and nodded his head. I could tell that he wasn't expecting me to just start spilling my feelings to him, "Ja, I understand. I guess I'll leave you alone for a vhile." And with that Germany got up from his seat and left the room. The door made a soft click as I walked over to the chair and collapsed in it, book in tow.

My mind was spinning, and I needed to get out of the reality that I was in. The book I had chosen seemed interesting enough and I ran my fingers on the slightly raised lettering. I cracked open the book and started a journey, that would take me far away from myself and my problems.

_Chapter One_

_The Boy Who Lived_

_Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much…_

As I let myself get carried away in the problems of one young Harry Potter, I had lost track of time. I became so engrossed in the story that I finished the book in no less than two hours. I could easily see myself being in Ravenclaw, and I mentally sorted everyone I knew into houses, chuckling slightly at points.

I had always loved books. They were a chance to escape, to relieve myself of the world tumbling down around me, and build a new one, filled with other's worries, incredible plot lines, and interesting characters. The fact that for a few hours, I could forget about my life, was so comforting, I just wanted to read forever. I loved becoming attached to characters, feeling like they were a new friend of mine, a person I just wanted to reach out to, and help them with their problems. For some reason Snape had immediately become my favourite character.

As I mulled over my new love of Harry Potter, I heard a slight knock at the door, and I saw Italy's auburn head poke through the slight opening in the door.

"May I come in Ivory?" he questioned, a bright and cheery smile graced his face. I nodded mutely, and he walked in carrying a cup of steaming liquid.

"Germany told me you were in here, and it had been a while, so I came to check on you." The bubbly Italian said. He was rather cute, in a slightly annoying way. "I brought you some tea ve~."

My stomach growled slightly in joy at the sight of the delicious liquid, and I grasped the warm cup tightly. "Thank you Italy." My voice slipped out quietly as I took a sip of the incredibly sweet tea. I preferred my teas without sugar usually, but I decided to drink it anyway, so I wouldn't hurt his feeling.

Italy noticed the book that sat on the arm of the recliner and he broke into an even larger smile. "You started reading Harry Potter!? It's amazing sì? Who's your favourite character? I love Neville, but Snape's pretty cool too!" Italy chattered on.

Italy and I spoke about the book for quite a while, talking about characters, what houses we liked, and so on. It felt nice, just to talk. Not have to explain my past, or be judged or pitied. I even smiled and laughed a few times. Eventually we moved topic about our pasts.

"I remember everyone used to think you were a girl," I chuckled lightly and Italy blushed. "And a certain little Holy Roman Empire seemed very interested in you."

Italy lowered his head a little, "Sì, we were very good friends. I wonder if he would still like me, you know, if he knew I was a boy?" I heard the sad questioning in his voice, and chuckled inwardly. Italy honestly hadn't noticed the similarities between Holy Rome and Germany.

"Italy, I'm pretty sure he would love you no matter what. I mean, he obviously still has feelings for you, even if he's not the same person," I said comfortingly as I could. Italy raised his head in question.

"What do you mean ve~?"

"Nothing Italy. You'll figure it out yourself one day," I checked the clock on the wall and noticed the time was already around 9:00 P.M. Italy yawned and bid me goodnight as he headed towards the bedroom him and Germany shared.

I leaned my head against the back of the recliner and closed my eyes. Living with these two didn't seem so bad. I mean I had a vast supply of books, nice company, it seemed perfectly fine. But I still couldn't shake the feeling of unease from my head. It lurked in the back of my mind like a shadow, and it warned me not to get too comfortable at Germany's. I needed to shake the unease from my mind, so I got up and grabbed the next book in the series.

It was around midnight when my mind slowly began to shut down in its need for sleep, and before I could protest, my heavily lidded eyes fell shut, and I began yet another restless slumber.

Nightmares plagued my mind as always, but I would wake myself up before the got to violent. I didn't want to wake up Germany and Italy with my screams. At around three in the morning, I decided sleep was a wasted cause, and slid out of the chair onto the ground. My body was too lazy to stand up, but I willed myself to get up after a minute of protest.

I walked into Germany's living room, and sat on the love seat by the television. I honestly didn't feel like watching anything though, so I just sat there, holding my knees to my chest. I was still wearing Antonio's clothing, and I couldn't bring myself to ask Germany if we could go out and get some new clothes for me. I felt like it would be ungrateful to just stop using the clothes that Spain had so graciously given me.

I sat there for a few hours, and watched the sun rise. Around six o'clock I heard a door open behind me, and heavy footsteps pad down the hallway. I turned around to greet Germany, only to find the nation standing like a deer in headlights in the middle of the hallway, clad in only his German flag boxers. My face turned bright red and I whirled back around, hiding my face in my hands. I wasn't sure I should laugh or feel incredible embarrassed.

A few minutes later I heard the door open again and I turned around, this time to find Germany wearing jeans and a black tee-shirt. He had is hand buried awkwardly in his blonde hair, that wasn't slicked back yet.

"Erm, vell uh, Guten Morgen," he said awkwardly and attempted to avoid my gaze. "Sorry about, vell ja." Germany's cheeks turned a bright pink colour and I chuckled slightly.

"No it's okay, I should have given you a warning that I'm an early riser."

I heard the door open again, and saw Italy walk out of Germany's room. Germany's face flushed even darker as the Italian wrapped his arms around the German's waist from behind. Italy was wearing only his Italian flag boxers, and it made me wonder if these two ever wore actual clothing around the house.

"Germany, quit talking so loud. It's too early for this," Italy muttered tiredly into Germany's shirt, to which Germany only sighed softly in response.

"Italy, either go back to bed, or put some clothes on ja? Ve have somevone else living vith us now," Germany murmured embarrassed, and the little Italian nodded his head lightly and went back to sleep. Chuckling lightly, I thought that I would be able to get used to cute mornings such as that one.

Germany cooked a simple breakfast of fried eggs, and toast, nothing fancy, but still delicious. We ate together in the living room, watched the news, and made some small talk. It was hard to believe that it was only my third day at Germany's house. It had worked out better than I thought, I mean there were some awkward points, but overall, I felt kind of comfortable there.

After I finished eating I took mine and Germany's plate to the kitchen and began washing them. I heard a soft knock at the front door and Germany announced he would get it. I wondered who would it could be at such an early time in the morning. I put the dishes away in their proper spot in the cabinet and walked over to the front door.

"Hey Ivory," as soft spoke from outside the open door.

"Mattie? What are you doing here?" I questioned with mixed emotion. After our incident at Antonio's, I was slightly afraid as to what would have possessed him to fly all the way out here. I noticed he had a rather large bag with him, and my curiosity increased even more.

He stepped inside and Germany left to give us some privacy. Mattie looked up from the ground, and quietly said, "I am so sorry."

**Slight cliffy but nothing too bad. Thank you for staying with me so far, I hope you enjoy my odd portrayal of Hetalia and my own…. Oddness.**

**Easy question today. What species was the character Spock for Star Trek, the original series?**


	9. Chapter 8

**I love you all! Please enjoy and I don't own Hetalia!**

**Song suggestion: "Carolyn" by Black Veil Brides**

Chapter 8

It was strange to say the least that Mattie showed up. I mean I was pleased to see him again, but, somehow something was different. He seemed more, free, but at the same time, chained down. It was like someone had told him the answer to a long awaited question, but it wasn't an answer that he expected. I took Mattie into the library and sat down on the ground with him.

"Mattie, what's wrong," I questioned with worry evident in my tone. It was strange to see him so, torn between happy and anguished.

"I'm so, so sorry. H-how could I forget, you two were everything to me, and I just locked it all away," his voice broke, and I could tell he was on the verge of tears. Damn it, I didn't want to go through another breakdown in the course of a week. Those sorts of things start to add up. "And then I hurt you when I couldn't remember Clarity, and I went home and felt horrible."

"Mattie please don't do this. I understand why yo-"

"Do you? Do you really understand?" his soft voice became hard and filled with anguish. "It's all my fault; I took the easy way out. I just though "hey this isn't working out, let's just forget the two people that mean everything in the whole world to me. Yeah that'll fix everything!" I was so stupid!" He spit out. I wanted to interrupt, to tell him that it wasn't his fault.

The thing was, I did and didn't understand at the same time. I understood what it felt like, to think that everything was your fault that you caused the demise of the things you held closest, and yet, I would never understand what it was like for him. I would never be able have the release of forgetting, what happened, what he did to us, what I caused. I would never be able to forget the happiness on my sister's face, nor would I be able to forget the agony, and the sadness that she carried when we were held. But worst of all, I would never forget the cold, lifeless stare that haunted her blood covered face, as he told me she was dead, that she did it for me. It was all just a waste.

Seeing Mattie talk like that, it scared me. Cold, bitter, laughter, something I had never heard from him, erupted from Mattie, "I could have saved you two, but I gave up. It's all my fault."

The anguish, the sadness, the emotions I never wanted to see on anyone's face again consumed him. As tears slid down both our faces, I did something I never would have thought possible. I couldn't talk, my voice had been scared away with Mattie's display of emotions, and I was slightly insane from the idea that he thought he caused our capture, our pain, her death. It hurt to see him blame himself for something that was my doing.

So I hugged him. I wrapped my arms around his thin form, and pulled him close to my weak, fragile body. I felt myself tense at my own actions, but I needed to do this, I needed to show him that it was okay. Slowly I relaxed, and sobs began to wrack my body. All that mattered in that moment was that he _remembered_.

I rubbed my hands in soothing circles on his back, and I felt Mattie loosely wrap his arms around my waist. We sat on the ground together, Mattie in my lap, sobbing, holding each other. I hadn't done anything like that since the day I had been captured. My mind flashed images of North and me holding each other in the cold, dark, dirty basement we were kept in, tears pouring down our faces in never ending streams.

And then, even though it was comforting to feel Mattie, someone that I cared about have their arms around me, sharing emotions and weaknesses with me, it still didn't fill the void inside of me. The void inside my cold heart.

I had envied the love Mattie and North had shared. They were truly meant for each other, and though I was happy just to witness such love, I never found I never found something like that for myself. North would always tell me that my time would come, and that good things come to those who wait. But exactly how long would I have to wait? I had never once been in a relationship with anyone. I had given up on the idea of a "soul mate" simply because it was taking too long. The moment Mattie and Clarity looked at each other, they knew they were in love. Why had I never felt that? Would I ever feel it? I had witnessed true love first hand, but had never felt it myself.

"It's not your fault Mattie," my worn down voice slipped out softly. He didn't deserve to blame himself.

Mattie sniffled lightly and slid out of my lap. We both laid our backs against the dark red wall of the room, "Thanks Ivory. I just needed to come and see you, after the whole thing at Spain's I sat at home and tried to remember," his voice was back to its normal soft tone, if not slightly laced with sadness. His eye were filled with so much emotion, it was like a tornado. "I found an old hope chest in my attic. I don't know how, but I knew that it had to hold the answers to all my questions, and it did. It brought back every memory, every feeling, everything, and at first, it hurt so badly. I wanted to just shut everything away again. Pain is so hard to deal with, but the more you put it off, the harder it gets. I was glad that I remembered though. The memoires and thoughts did darken my mind at first, they made me so anguished, so sad, but then, the more I looked through all of the things, I remembered how much I loved her, how we were a family. That's all I ever wanted, and I was remembered. Someone cared about me enough to remember me, and I gave them my heart" he smiled softly at me. A smile so genuine, so filled with love, that I couldn't help but smile back, even if I had forgotten how to truly smile, even if no matter how hard I tried, my smile was always fake, and never reached my eyes. "Thank you, thank you so much. I can't believe I ever even had the chance of having a family, of being in love. You two gave me the very best gift in the world, the gift of belonging. And even if Clarity's gone….. she'll always be with us both, in our hearts and in our minds."

More tears poured down my face and I chuckled bitterly. How blissfully ignorant poor, little Mattie was, to think that North would still want to be with me in any way. She loved Mattie, more than anything in the world, and I knew she would still want to be with him. I knew that a piece of her would always live inside him. No matter where she was, or what had happened to her, she would always be with Mattie, but after what I had done, what I had cause, I doubted she would even want to hear my name. I was just happy that piece in Mattie wasn't one that hated me for basically causing her ultimate end.

I turned my head toward Mattie's, his face was tear stained like mine. I sighed softly, "Mattie, I know that I'll never love you like North did, but I do love you. I'm so grateful to have witnessed what you two had together. Now that she's gone, you are my only family left," my voice cracked, and I struggled to continue. "It's not your fault, what happened, and what's done is done. We can't change the past…. But we can make a better future. A future that Clarity would be proud of." A smiled graced Mattie's face, and I sighed in happiness. It was good to have him remember us. I was afraid that Mattie had locked away his memories so well, that he would never be able to get them back.

Mattie slid in front of me and turned his attention to the large bag that he brought with him, and pulled it in-between us. I was slightly anxious as to what was in it exactly, "When I was looking through the hope chest, I found some of your guys' thing, and I thought you might want them back," he unzipped the bag and pulled out two cloaks. My heart swelled with joy that I could have the clothes of my past, of better times. "I don't know which one is yours, but I thought you might want them both," Mattie said softly, and he began to pull out more clothing. There were fifteen tunic, ranging from white, cream, light blue, and dark blue, three corsets, one silver, one white, and the other blue, ten pairs of leggings, and an extra pair of boots. My eyes lit up just seeing the familiar articles of clothing. I was so afraid that I would never see anything of my past again, that I had all become dust in the wind.

The rest of the clothing was Clarity's and I couldn't wear it because of the painful memories they brought. I looked at the cloaks, and picked up mine. I traced the blue and silver embroidery with my fingertips, tracing each snowflake and frost design. I remember the day that Clarity and I made our cloaks. Though we were twins, we didn't want to be matching all the time, so we picked our own designs. I preferred the snow inspired embroidery, to symbolize my nation, and Clarity like the swirls, well because she thought they were pretty.

Before I could thank Mattie, he dug back into his bag again, "Plus, I also found these guys. I thought you might miss them," I tilted my head curiously. A small smiled played on his lips as he brought out my bow and arrows from his bag.

I covered my mouth with my hands, and gasped in joy. I couldn't believe he still had these! I used to love archery so much; you would rarely even see me without my arching equipment with me. I used to be pretty good too, my trusty hand crafted bow never let me down. I lightly grasped my bow, and immediately felt soothed by its familiar touch. I ran my hands over the patterns that were carved into it, and closed my eyes. Each caring held a story, and I had memorized the curve of the bow, the weight of it, the story that each carving held. I looked back a forth between Mattie and the bow, joy and disbelief filled my expression, and he chuckled lightly in amusement at my reaction

"Mattie, just, thank you. So much, I can't even, wow," I stuttered out stupidly. I couldn't help myself. For so long I had lost the few things that had gave me happiness. Simple things like, my sister's smile, Mattie's laugh, the warmth from my cloak, the feel of a bow and arrow in my hands. Slowly they were coming back to me. "I want you to keep all of Clarity's stuff. I know she would want you to have it."

A soft smile graced Mattie's lips, "Thank you. I brought some photos, if you want to look at them?" I shook my head softly. I wasn't ready to reminisce through pictures, and talk about the good old days. Maybe later, but not just then. "Well, I'll leave them here with you, just in case you change your mind."

"Thank you. That's all I can say, just thank you so much, for everything," I said softly, and tried to convey just how much those things had meant to me.

We sat there, on the floor in the library, for a while, talking idly. Around noon Italy came in to tell us that lunch was ready. We all ate lunch together, reminisced about when I had first met everyone. We laughed, and had fun. Everything was going well. Mattie left after lunch, but promised that he'd see me again soon.

I laid down in my bed, rafter I had just gotten done with my shower, and I still couldn't shake a feeling of unease though. My mind was trying to warn my about something, but what though?

**Sooo what did ya think? Same old dame old. R&R please!**

**Who originally sang the song "Mad World"?**


	10. Chapter 9

**Yay another chapter! I hope you guys and gals are enjoying every moment of this, if not then I have failed as a writer. You know what, I do own Hetalia, and you can deal with it! If you get that reference I will loves you forever, now ONTO THE FEELS!**

**Song suggestion: "What a Shame" by Shinedown**

Chapter 9

It had been about a week since Mattie had shown up at Germany's house. The days went by easily, with nothing really major happening. I would go outside into Germany's rather large backyard and play some fetch with Eve, occasionally shoot some target practice, my aim wasn't as great as it used to be, but I still had the natural ability, and then I would sit in the library for hours on end reading. Sometimes Italy would come in and chat with me about small things, the weather, how I was feeling, what books I was reading. Everything was going so smoothly, it was as if I was dreaming.

I had even tried to teach Italy archery, which failed ultimately. Germany sort of got the hang of it, but gave up, saying he was more accustomed to a gun, not a bow and arrow. So they would sit and watch me practice and play with Eve.

I sat with my legs tucked underneath me in the recliner of the library. I was a few chapters away from finishing the last Harry Potter book, and was filled with bittersweet excitement. I always seemed to become attached to fictional characters, no matter how hard I tried not to.

I leaned my head back against the comfortable chair, deciding I needed a break from my nonstop reading. I closed my eyes and let my thoughts wander, as I let the sound of Italy preparing dinner fill my mind. Blindly I search for my mug filled with lukewarm tea on the coffee table, my hand finally reached it, and I snatched it into my hand, relishing in the somewhat warmth it gave me.

I took a deep breath in through my nose, allowing the smell to further relax me. Slowly I lifted the mug up to my lips, needing to taste the delicious liquid. Just when I was about to take a sip, I heard the door open swiftly, and it knocked against the wall lightly, causing me to jump and spill my tea all over the blue tunic I wore, not to mention abruptly end my daydreaming.

"Ivory, I am sorry for startling you, ja," Germany spoke meekly from the door way. He had a light blush on his cheeks from the embarrassment of scaring me. He closed the door behind him lightly, and sat on the small stepping stool I used to reach books that were higher up. Leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, he clasped his hands together lightly. "Und I vas just vondering, if you vanted to talk. About anyzhing," he let his sentence trail off, leaving the "that has happened to you" part unsaid. He pause slightly and then went on more, "I am vorried about you."

I sighed, and averted my eyes from his. Of course that's what he wanted to talk about. Ever since I had arrived at his home he had questioned me about my past, asking if I was okay, if I wanted to talk, if there was anything he could help me with. It was nice to know that someone cared yes, but I wasn't ready to talk about what had happened yet; I had given him the bones, and said that when I was ready I would fill everything else in. The whole reason I wanted to stay with Germany was to avoid that sort of thing happening.

I couldn't blame him for worrying though, I did look terrible still. I had bags under my eyes from lack of sleep, I could barely hold down more than a slice of bread and a few cups of tea a day, and even though it was extremely hot outside, I would always wear long sleeved shirts, and pants.

"Germany, I'm fine, really. It's just I'm still trying to get used to everything," I knew he wouldn't buy it. No matter how well I tried to hide my emotions, Germany could always sense when something was off. A skeptical look crossed his face; I lowered my head and turned away from him more. My voice dipped down to only a soft whisper, "Please, I'm just not ready to talk about this yet. Just give me some time, alright?"

His shoulders slumped slightly, and I could read on Germany's face that he wasn't expecting anything more from this confrontation. "Vell just remember-"

"You're here if I need to talk. Yes I know," I finished his sentence slightly exasperatedly.

Instead of leaving, like I had expected him to, Germany picked a book form one of the shelves, slid his glasses on and began to read. I grabbed my book from off of the coffee table, and opened to the page I left off on. We sat in silence for a few minutes, but I couldn't focus on my book, a question had begun to form in my mind, and as the time dragged on, it became larger and large.

I snapped my book shut and looked at Germany shyly, his eyes flicked up from his book. I cleared my throat softly, and he too set his book aside, and gave me his full attention.

"Germany, can I ask you a question?" I said softly, and Germany nodded slowly, motioning for me to continue. "Well, you always ask me about my past, and even though most of the time I don't answer I was wondering, what was your childhood like?" I already knew what his answer would be of course, but I needed to hear him say it for myself.

Germany brought his hand to his face, and pinched the bridge of his nose from underneath his glasses. His mind seemed to be working out a tough problem, and his eyes clamped shut. Eventually he just sighed rubbed his hand over his face.

"I don't remember anyzhing from my childhood really. Just bits und pieces," he sounded sad, and worn down. "I have tried, so hard to remember, but nozhing seem to come up. I just vish, I knew."

That seemed to be the theme of my return to the other nations, remembrance. Everyone I spoke to seemed like they had a memory laps at some point in their lives, whether dealing with me, or just their past. No matter how much I look into it, I never find any reason why. I had a few theories, but nothing concert. Maybe it was the fact that our life time was so long, we were prone to memory blackouts. Whatever it was that caused it though had brought on so much pain to the others.

Memories, not matter how dark, or how damaging, are important. They build a person, and create their character. Without memories, there would be no experiences, no good times or bad times, nothing to make people individual. There would be no reason to smile at random moments, or cry at night when the thoughts of something sorrowful came back into focus. Memories are the foundation of life itself. They cause love, and hate, they bring out the best and worst in people. Destroying some, and benefiting others, whatever you choose to do with your memories, is your decision, and that decision, can either help, or harm you.

So in front of me sat a lone country, that I had thought was immovable to such things, but of course I was proven wrong. Tears slid down his face slowly, and pain welled up in the surrounding space. It seemed that I caused people to cry a lot, a problem which I really needed to fix.

I envied him, and everyone who could forget. I would never be able to forget anything. Not a single moment of my sad life. It was all burned into my mind, but at the time, I pushed it all away. I needed to help the person in front of me now, and leave the past where it needed to stay, for the time being.

"Germany," my voice was soft and sad; the emotion he gave off had affected my own emotions. "I know that it is hard to not remember an important part of your life, but there will come a time, that you will remember." I chuckled to myself softly, as I was about to become hypocritical, "Good things, come to those who wait." Ah yes, I had used the line my sister had used on me so many times. It was rather amusing to be on the opposite end of it though. I had never thought it would happen that way.

He lifted his blonde head up slowly, and I looked into his blues eye, which had reddened from crying. His face was filled with hope. "Yes, but….. How much longer ja? I don't vant to vait forever," oh how ironic this all was, me using all the old trick North used to use on me, and getting the same responses I would have said all those years ago. It was sort of like backwards déjà vu, if that makes any sense, and I was torn between amusement and sadness, from seeing yet another person show me their weakness of not remembering. I felt so guilty that I asked for his past, for his deepest secret, yet I would not share my sadness with him. I kept it all bottle up, and Germany spilled his sadness to me.

"Just, trust me, okay?" I said softly, as I attempted to revive him from his wallowing in sorrow. Germany whipped his face with the hem of his shirt and nodded softly, sniffing slightly occasionally. I suddenly had the feeling that I was a sort of, "Country Therapist" if you will. All of the irony was starting to become slightly scary to me. Germany broke my musings with his voice.

"Zhank you, so much Ivory," he gave me a nod and a soft smile. I nodded back and went back to reading my book; I had enough of talking about peoples troubles, when I myself couldn't even speak of mine. Germany stood and exited the room, and once he was gone I let out a large puff of air. Why did I have to ask people such personal questions? They all probably thought I was a hypocritical, crybaby, that loved to hear about other people's lives so I could make my one seem worse.

I groaned loudly and threw my head against the back of recliner. Why was I so stupid sometimes? I lifted my arm to rub my neck, only to feel a slight stickiness around my upper body. I froze in fear of what the substance was, only to sigh in relief when I remembered spilling my tea on myself.

My body protested violently, but I slowly climbed out of the extremely comfortable recliner and headed to my room, I needed to change out of the sticky clothes before dinner started.

Closing the door behind me I slid open the drawer that held all of my tunics. Slowly I began to unlace part of my corset, and slid it off over my head. I allowed my mind to wander as I set the silver corset onto my bed, and rummaged around for tunic, eventually opting for a light blue one.

I slid the sticky tunic over my head and started to hum lightly. So lost in my thought, I barely noticed the sound of the door opening, and the loud gasp that followed it. I quickly pull the new tunic over my head and whirled around.

"What the hell! Don't you know how to knock?" I shouted angrily. I was greeted by the sight of a stunned Germany, his hand placed over his mouth, and eyes wide in horror. "Get out! Damn it get the fuck out!" I shouted louder, tears prickled in my eyes but I would not let them fall. I stormed over to the door, and slammed it shut; cutting off whatever apology or question Germany was going to ramble out. Sliding down to the floor, I grabbed my knees and shook violently

_He saw your disgusting, scarred body. Damn it can you do anything right Ivory? It's all your fault!_

I berated myself over and over. How could I have been so stupid? Why didn't I lock the door, I was changing damn it! He saw it, the worst one. He saw what I was carved into my back, just a _whore_.

I picked myself up off of the floor tears blinding my vision. I staggered across my room, sobs coming from my mouth. I leaned on the wall with one hand, and grabbed the porcelain vase that held the flowers Italy had pick for me the other day in my other hand. I clenched my eyes shut tightly.

In a flash of violent, anger I threw the vas against the wall screaming, sobbing, I ran over to my dresser and cleared the top of it, relishing in the sharp, shattering sound everything made as it tumbled unceremoniously to the ground. I pounded my fist against the wall, screaming at myself. Showing myself what I had done.

"Idiot! You stupid, fucking, IDIOT! Why the hell can't you do one thing right!" I scram, and slammed my fists, and feet into the wall, causing damage to myself and the room Germany had so kindly allowed me to stay in. My knuckles were bloody and stung with pain, but I ignored it, just like I always did.

I lowered my voice, and quit my violent thrashings. I chuckled darkly, "As if Germany and Italy even want to see my face now. I bet they regret even meeting me." I pushed my hands on the wall, and lowered my head, watching as the tears dripped onto the messy floor.

_I should just leave, they probably hate me now. Germany knows what I am and he'll tell everyone, not that I blame him. Damn it I'm such a burden!_

I thought to myself. I lifted up my aching head and glanced around the destroyed room. My eyes found my white bag. I immediately grabbed it, and started to shove any of my sparse belongings into it haphazardly. My mind was set; I was going to leave so they wouldn't have to deal with such a burden. They didn't need me. And no matter how much I needed them, I would not cause them anymore trouble.

I flung the bag over my shoulder and took a glance at the room I had destroyed. There was broken glass all over the ground, a water stain on the wall from where I had thrown the vase at it, and some of my blood splattered onto the spot I had punched. _I'm such a monster. Look what I have done. Is this how I repay people who have helped me?_ I ran my hands over my face and through my hair as emotions cascaded over my mind. I needed to do something for the, I couldn't just leave and not tank them. I bit my lower lip in worry, and finally I found a large notepad and a pen. I sat at my bed for one last time and began to write.

_Dear Nations,_

_I am so sorry, for everything. Destroying the room, breaking Mr. Frances nose, causing everyone so much trouble, just on my account. I have decided to leave, and rid you all of this burden I have placed upon you. _

_Mattie, it was so great to talk with you. I know that I may never see you again, so thank you. Thank you for being there for me, allowing me to open up, showing me what true love is when you were with Clarity, and so much more. Thank you brother, you mean so much to me. You are my only family left._

_Germany and Italy, thank you for taking me in. I am so sorry for every problem I caused. I know I disrupted you lives, but it really meant a lot to me that you would give up normalcy just so I could be housed. Italy, you make a good cup of tea, even if it is a little sweet, and thank you for being a good friend, and person to talk to. Germany, it's not your fault, I am incredibly sorry. Please just forget about it, please. Thank you for letting me into your home, for taking care of me, for letting me read your books. Both of you will always have a special place in my heart, and in my mind_

_Antonio. I can't thank you enough for taking me in. Without you, I might still be stranded somewhere. Thank you for the clothes, for talking with me, and being a good play mate for Eve. We both will miss you dearly. _

_And with that I bid you all farewell. Please live your lives as if I had never come back. Forget about the girl that you know as Antarctica. Pretend she doesn't exist. Just like it should be._

_Ivory Elwyn (Antarctica, a Forgotten Nation)_

I sighed softly and set the note pad and pen down on the bed. Dragging my feet over to the window nest to my bed and opened it, sadness weighing down my shattered heart. With on leg out the window I took one last glance at the past, taking in all the memories, some I would carefully cherish and others I would shun and destroy myself over later. I turned my back and climbed out of the window Heading towards my future.

Quietly I snuck into the backyard, shushing Eve as she mad a noise of curiosity. I whispered quietly into het large ear, "Shh girl. We're leaving okay."

I tip toed my way over to the back gate and unlocked it, cringing slightly and it creaked open. I slide onto Eve's back, and took one last look at my temporary home. Soft light flooded through the window, and two silhouettes could just be made out. A larger one with his head down on a table, his shoulders visibly shaking, and a smaller one, who had his hand on the other's shoulder.

I quietly whispered into the warm summer night, "Goodbye my friends." And with that I nudged Eve forward, and we ran off into the unknown German city.

Wind blew through my short hair, sounds of cars surrounded me, and it all felt so surreal, running away from my problems. I couldn't believe I was so weak, so cowardly, but what else was I supposed to do? At the time it seemed the only logical option. I was tired of being the pitied one, the one that cause so much problems, of being such a burden. The familiar feel of tears prickled in my eyes, as I became used to the rhythm of Eve's strong run.

I had no clue where we were going, lights from the city blurred in my teary vision, and a small ditch that was used for rain water was towards my left and cars whizzed by Eve and I on our right. I was running blindly, no plan, no thought of what I would do to provide for myself, and really not caring if I could.

My mind wandered aimlessly, and I tried to figure out a way to make this work. I would not cause anyone else any more trouble. So deep in thought I barely even noticed when two lights began to become brighter and larger in my vision, and I used one of my hands to shield my eyes from their blinding glow, until it was too late. A loud honk came from a car heading towards Eve and I. My eyes widened in fear, as I anticipated what could happen. I felt Eve startle underneath me and leap towards the left. I was thrown viciously from her back and sent tumbling down the ditch. Pain flashed through my body.

With each twist and turn my body took, memories flashed through my mind. Faces of people I had known, smiles, laugh's names, food I had eaten, places I had been, every experience I had ever gone through, good and bad, flashed in my mind as I tumbled down the ditch.

Finally my momentum slowed down, and I laid face down, dry grass tickling my nose. Pain throbbed dully through my body, my left eye covered in blood from a gash I had received on my forehead. My upper lip was busted open slightly, and I felt warm blood ooze on my side from where I had hit the black top. My breathing was becoming labored, and shallow, thoughts becoming harder to process and I knew. It was over.

And I smiled.

For the first time, in so long I truly smiled. A soft, pained, chuckle came from my throat.

"I finally did it," my vision blurred, the glow of lights swam around me, and the soft noise of cars moving by filled my ears, slowly becoming more and more soft. "I am going to die. I'll finally get to see you again sis, finally."

It was truly the most bittersweet moment I had ever had in my life. What had been the most joyous occasion I had ever experienced, was what would be my ultimate demise. I would finally be able to accept the cool grasp of death's hands, as he carried me to a sanctuary of bliss where my sister would be.

My head thudded to the ground softly, and a smile graced my face as the world became a silent and pitch black bliss.

**CCCLIIIFFF HHHAANNNGGEERRRRR! MUAHAHAHAA okay so please don't hate me and R&R because that is what keeps me alive! I love you all so much you don't even know. Now Trivia question**

**What was the address that held so much importance in Finding Nemo?**


	11. Chapter 10

**HEYYY GUYS! I'm so sorry that I havent posted in forever, please accept this next chapter as my apology.**

**Song for this chapter: Shed Some Light by Shinedown**

*Germany P.O.V.*

"Ve~ Germany it's okay, it was just an accident sì?" I sat at the kitchen table with my head on the cool counter top, as Italy tried to console me. I had felt so stupid, and completely horrible for walking in on Ivory like that. The look in her eyes still can make me feel sick if I think about it now.

"Ja, it vas an accident, but I am so stupid sometimes! I vas supposed to help her und get her to trust me, now look vhat I've done!" Italy gently put his hand on my shoulder, and I tensed at it's warm, soft touch. I didn't deserve the kindness he was showing me, not after what I had just done moments before.

I shuddered softly as the image of Ivory, forever burnt into mind, floated back into view. Vicious scars lacerated the soft, pale skin on her back and arms. Most of them looked like welts or burns. But the worst one of all, I still don't know how to explain what I felt when I saw it. Sorrow, agony, sadness, pity, anger, hopelessness, helpless, sick, maybe a mixture of them all, I just don't know, but it was the most heart wrenching thing I have ever seen.

Being called names is one thing. Your mind and body can deal with that. Yes it may hurt some, and you may feel brought down, but eventually you can get over it if you try. But being branded? It's something you can never get over. Having a constant reminder of what you are always told you are, it cuts deep, and will always stay with you, forever. Seeing _whore_ so viciously, and horribly carved into her back, made my jaw drop and a gasp escaped my mouth.

I had never been so frightened and sad at the same time as when Ivory whirled around and yelled at me. The anger and broken trust burning in her eyes seared my heart, as she slammed the door in my face. Ever since then I had sat at the table in silenced shock, listening to the muffled cries, thuds and shattering noises coming from Ivory's room. And it had been all my fault.

"Germany," Italy's soft voice broke my train of thoughts. Slowly I lifted my head, not bothering to wipe away the tears that trailed down my face. I was greeted by soft brown eyes filled with worry. "Germany what happened in ther-" "No! I vill not tell you! …. I-I can't tell you," I cut him off before Italy could even finish. What had happened in that room will stay there, I had already betrayed Ivory's trust once, and I would not do it again. A hurt expression passed over Italy's face, but once my voice had softened, he nodded in understanding.

I had known that Ivory wasn't telling us the whole story when she explained what happened to her at the meeting, but I would have never guessed. What exactly happened to her anyway? Was that how her sister died? Were those scars the only pain she had suffered?

More tears had begun to spill from my eyes as I mulled over everything I could have done , everything that should have been done. I felt two arms wrap around my neck and I pulled Italy onto my lap in a tight hug, allowing myself to be weak, just that once, in front of him. I cried softly, and buried my face into his shoulder as he rubbed my back and whispered softly to me. My hands fisted his white tee shirt as my body trembled. "Shh, it's okay Germany. It's okay." Damn it how could he say that? Of course it wasn't okay, I had just shattered any trust Ivory had actually gained, just when she was beginning to open up too. But for whatever reason, Italy's words calmed me, and after a few minutes, my tears stopped, and my body stilled. "Zhank you," I muttered softly into Italy's shoulder, and I felt him nod his head from the crook of my neck.

Slowly he pulled away, and with a slight blush on his face, he gave me a feather light kiss on the cheek, causing me to look away from him, my own blush staining my face.

"I'm going to check on Ivory," and Italy left down the hallway. I heard him knock a few times, and call out her name, but no answer. The noise from her room had stopped a while before, so I had thought she might have fallen asleep.

Getting up from the kitchen table, I grabbed the key to the doors of the house, and walked over to Ivory's room.

"Iz it locked?" I asked Italy, who nodded his head. "You should go in, I…. I don't think she vould vant to talk to me right now," I lowered my head and handed Italy the keys. Turning away I headed to the library, in hopes of drowning out my sorrow. Just when I had sat down in the comfortable recliner, Italy bursted through the door in a hurried panic. "Italy," I question worriedly, "Vhat is it? Vhat is wrong." Shaking his head somberly he replied, "Germany, she's gone ve~. The window's open, and there's a note on the bed," Tears poured down his face, and my jaw became slack.

She was gone?

Quickly I pulled my phone out of my pocket and called a few countries. Italy and I couldn't do this on our own. It was all my fault, it I had just knocked on the damn door none of that would have happened! Italy and I sat on the couch in the living room curled up together. Sometimes we talked, but mostly there was silence, sometimes filled with soft cries or sniffs. Two long hour had passed and finally there was a knock at the door. I jumped of the couch and ran to the front hallway, opening the door to the sight of America, England, Switzerland, Spain, and Canada. I lead them all to the kitchen in order to explain what had happened. "Dude, what's wrong? You called in such a panic I couldn't even understand you," America had questioned. Obviously he was getting ready for bed when I had called because he was still in his hamburger PJ pants. I lowered my eyes to the ground as Italy came from the living room. His eyes were red rimmed from crying, and he was wrapped in a blanket, "She's gone," his voiced called out softly. Gasps came from all of the countries, and I lifted my head up. "What do you mean gone? What happened?" Canada asked angered, his face flushed red. Spain nodded his head in agitated agreement. "Sí, why would she just leave?" How could I explain to them what happened without telling them what I saw or seeming creepy? Quickly I tried to form a logical answer in my head, as I felt the demanding stares of the others upon me. Italy handed me the note pad that Ivory had written on, with a knowing look. Sometimes Italy could sense the mood better than Japan. "Just, read it ja," I nodded my head, and sat at the table. When I myself had read the letter, I couldn't believe it. Of course it was my fault! Why else would she have left? Damn it why was this girl so selfless? She wasn't a burden at all, but no I just had to screw that up too. Just when I thought things were starting to work out.

One by one they read the letter. The only ones who were really affected by it though were Canada and Spain. Tears formed in their eyes as they stared at the paper, as if it could tell them where Ivory had gone.

"Mi dios," Spain's voice quivered as he plopped into the chair beside me. A look of sheer bitter surprise on his face.

"We need to find her! And what does she mean "It's not your fault Germany" What did you do to her?!" That was the first time I had ever seen Canada angry. His blue eyes were lit up with fury, and I raise my hands in defense. I knew this would happen, of course they thought I did something to harm her physically, what with my past and all.

"Does it matter? We just need to find her and make sure she is okay!" Thank god Switzerland was a cut and dry person, or I would have made a complete fool of myself. "I think we need to all split up and look for her."

England nodded in head, and raised a hand to his chin, "Yes that does sound like a good idea. Wait, what about her pet thing? Is it still here?" Italy walked up beside me and shook his head. It was strange to see my little Italian so quiet and sadly calm. "She must have taken off on her ve~"

"Well why are we just standing here? Let's go we need to find her, what if she's hurt?!" Canada began to ramble in a hurried panic and America laid his hand on Canada's shoulder to calm him.

"Dude Canadia, we'll find her don't worry." Canada froze and the air in my kitchen became slightly chilled, as he shrugged out of America's grasp, picking up his coat from the back of a chair. His back still to us, Canada turned his head slightly and muttered coldly, "We better find her. She's the only family I have left. I'm taking my own car and heading south, if I find her I'll call you guys." "I'll take mine too, Spain, are you riding with me?" Switzerland asked as he grabbed his keys. Spain nodded softly, "Sí, I guess we will take north then." "Guess that leaves me and you America." "Sweet! I'll drive!" "No you bloody wanker! This isn't America; you'll end up driving on the wrong side of the road you git." No matter how serious the situation, America always seemed to be a pompous asshole. "We'll take the west."

Finally it was only Italy and I standing in the kitchen. Italy took off the blanket he was wrapped in, and grabbed my hand. "Come on Germany. Let's go find her." His eyes were tired, and still had a sad look to them, but they burned with determination. I had never seen him so serious before, or have his eyes open for so long.

"Ja, let's find her," I grabbed my keys, and a jacket from the hall closet. "Italy, grab zhat blanket you were using, and maybe a pillow. If ve find her I vant to make sure ve can keep her comfortable." We had been driving around for three hours, and hadn't found any sign of Ivory or Eve. We drove in silence, not even the radio was on, simply because we were focusing all our attention on any clue where they could have been. I couldn't help but berate myself over the fact that it was all my fault. Ivory was out there, probably hurt, and I had been the cause of it. Italy had his hand on my leg in an effort to comfort me, but I still felt uneasy. Who could have done that to Ivory? Questions and depressing thoughts filled my mind as I drove aimlessly. At around three in the morning I heard Italy speak excitedly beside me, "Germany, look! It's Eve!" sure enough, the large, white wolf would was limping slowly on the side of the road. She sniffed the air, and howled as we drove over to her. Italy jumped out of the car and ran over to the wolf. "Eve! Where's Ivory?" it was too early in the morning for me to say anything to Italy about how stupid it was to talk to animals, but surprisingly Eve lead us down the road a few yards. Slowly we inched our way down a steep ditch. At the very bottom, a ball of light blue and white was laying down unmoving. "Ivory!" Italy shouted, and began to clumsily run down to her broken form. "Italy be careful!" of course he wouldn't listen, and I began to run in order to catch up with him. Carefully I made my way down to Ivory. She didn't look too bad, no broken bones from what I could tell. She did have quite a few nasty scrapes and bruises. A large part of her tunic was ripped on left side, and dried blood crusted around an open wound. "Italy, call zhe other's und grab zhat blanket from zhe car," I called out as I grasped Ivory's shoulders and turned her over gently.

She still had a pulse, though faint. A gash on her forehead had bled profusely and crusted her left eye closed and the right side of her upper lip was cup open slightly. Eve whined from beside me, and licked Ivory's face gently.

"She'll be alright," oh god, I couldn't believe I just talked to an animal. I guess stress, and being up late does that to you.

Going back to observing Ivory's injuries, I noted that most of them weren't major. The worst had to be the gash on her side, and maybe a sprained ankle and wrist, but other than that she seemed okay, just knocked out cold.

"Germany! I called the others," Italy called from behind me, and I nodded in approval and he handed me the blanket. "Is she okay?" worry filled his voice, and I heard Switzerland and Spain pull up on the side of the road.

"Ja, she seems okay from vhat I can tell. She might have some broken ribs, but other zhan zhat just some scrapes und a sprained ankle und vrist," I answered quietly.

"Hey, I brought some first aid stuff," Switzerland announced as he kneeled beside me, but Spain kept his distance.

"Spain, aren't you going to help ve~?" Italy questioned innocently. It was good to see that he was becoming more like himself.

Spain shook his head and turned away from Ivory, "No, no, I cannot. You see I have never been so good with blood," his voice trailed off slightly as Switzerland sighed, pulling out some gauze and a splint.

"Just go back to the car then if you're not going to help." Spain simply nodded and scampered back up the hill. "What's wrong with the wolf?"

By the time Switzerland and I had finished bandaging up Eve and Ivory, Canada, England and America, showed up. Canada was shocked by Ivory's appearance, but still relieved that she wasn't as far off as he thought. Carefully we wrapped Ivory up in the blanket, and all carried her to my truck, laying her down in the back seat.

"Damn it how are we going to get the wolf in the back of your truck Germany?" Switzerland muttered and scratched his chin. "It can't jump in or it's going to hurt itself even more."

Italy seemed slightly angered and I barely suppressed a chuckle as he put his hands on his hips and replied with much sass, "Her name is Eve and I'm sure we can all lift her into the back ve~." It was refreshing to see Italy acting cutely determined. Uh I mean just determined not cutely…

Switzerland beckoned a slightly pale looking Spain to join all of us by the truck and surprisingly we got Eve into the back with ease. The Canadian may look small and fragile, but he has quite a bit of strength to him.

By the time we had arrived back to my home it was around six in the morning, and the first rays of sunshine were beginning to line the horizon. Carefully we got Eve into the backyard, and then we gently placed a still passed out Ivory on the sofa in the living room. Since it was too damn early for me to be a gracious host, I threw my company some blankets and pillow and told them to sleep on the floor. We would deal with Ivory in the morning, but then I needed sleep.

**THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR READING I WILL TRY TO POST MORE OFTEN! Well I have an idea for another fan fic so we'll see what happens, plus therapy and shit... sigh, love you all!**


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